What do I not want to see?
What do I know that I hesitate admitting to?
When I make myself stressed, those can be helpful questions.
Here are a few things from recent gratitude lists:
I am grateful for mentally holding onto situations it wouldn’t make sense for me to return to.
I am grateful for mentally make this process into something noble and spiritual, while I really don’t know. More honestly, it’s just my messed up parts surfacing.
I am grateful for sometimes using my blog as a way to feel I have a foothold while I really don’t.
I am grateful for sometimes using spirituality as an escape. (Inquiry etc.)
I am grateful for longing back to friendship/situations from when I earlier lived in Oslo, and realizing it’s partly (largely?) because those experienced were colored by the oneness state I was in at the time. The longing is really for bliss, passion, engagement, insights etc. associated with that oneness state. I am grateful for thinking this is wearing out and draining out of my system, while I really don’t know.
I am grateful for thinking that Vigdis G. talks and writes as I did during the initial awakening phase, for pieces falling into place if this was the case, for feeling uncomfortable because this makes me appear further along than I feel I am, and for really not knowing any of it.
I am grateful for my own perceptions of and advice for others really being perceptions and advice for myself.
I am grateful for feeling I cannot do what’s being asked of me, especially when strong fear surfaces.
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