Inquiry: It’s better to be receptive, curious and have a sense of shared exploration

 

It’s better to be receptive, curious and have a sense of shared exploration.

This thought especially comes up when I encounter teachers or therapists who do not seem receptive, curious or with a sense of shared exploration.

The ones who seem to have answers, not be interested in other approaches, and go into an old/outmoded patriarchal teacher/therapist role.

Most recently, it came up when I had a conversation with Vigdis G. and also during an individual TRE session. In both cases, they seemed to act as if they had the answers and I just needed to adopt it, and they took on an old teacher/student role instead of shared exploration.

True?

Hm. It feels true so I’ll have to say yes.

Sure it’s true?

No. It’s just a preference.

A thought.

What happens when I take that thought as true?

I think, feel, speak and act as if it’s true.

I get annoyed when I encounter teachers/therapists who don’t seem to fit.

I compare the ones I feel don’t fit with the ones I feel do (Adya, Byron Katie, David Berceli, Todd, Bonnie, Douglas Harding, Richard Lang).

I get frustrated.

I tend to dismiss what they say.

Want to be somewhere else.

Am likely to break off the connection.

–> I tell myself they are misguided. Caught up in a story. Not helpful to their students/clients.

What do I desire the most from the situation?

A sense of connection. Understanding.

Being on the same side.

A sense of curiosity, receptivity, shared exploration.

What do I get out of it when I hold onto the belief?

A sense of disconnection – first in my mind and then, often, in life.

Lack of understanding – of what’s going on for the other person, of the dynamics in the situation.

Being on different sides. Going separate ways. Separation.

Closed off.

Who would I be without the belief?

Receptive. Curious. A sense of shared exploration.

A student.

A sense of shared exploration, whether I stay or not.

Free to continue the connection or not.

Using the other person as a welcome mirror, finding here what I see there.

Turnaround

It’s better to *not* be receptive, curious and have a sense of shared exploration.

–> (a) Hm. It’s better when teachers/therapists are *not* because it brings me back to myself.

I get to see my own beliefs and shoulds.

I get to rely on myself.

I get to find in myself what I wished to find the other person.

(b) Also, whatever happens in them has infinite causes.

It’s an expression of the whole universe, the whole of existence.

Who am I to argue?

(c) If they – as I tell myself – are caught up in a story, it may help them see what’s going on for them.

They get feedback, invitation for exploration.

–> (d) Some students/clients may benefit from it as it is.

They may look for someone who appears to have answers, who set themselves above their students/clients.

It may help them feel comfortable. It may help them be more receptive.

It may be a stepping stone for them, as many things are for me.

(e) It helps me see that I don’t need to try to fit in everywhere and with all teachers/teachings.

It’s OK to sort, to stay with some and let go of the rest.

I don’t need to try to get something out of absolutely everything.

If there is something important for me to see, life will bring it up again for me.

–> (f) They may do it as a refuge. They may seek refuge in appearing to know and in a traditional teacher/student role. It may feel safe for them.

I do the same. I seek refuge in stories as well.

– o –

It’s *worse* to be receptive, curious and have a sense of shared exploration.

Hm. It’s worse to fake it, at least.

It’s worse to pretend because of a should.

Also, the teachers who are – in my mind – fit my expectations. I don’t get to encounter my should around this.

– o –

–> It’s better for *my thinking* to be receptive, curious and have a sense of shared exploration.

Yes, that’s true. The advice is for myself, especially in that situation.

What I want is receptivity, curiosity and a sense of shared exploration. When I go into my belief, I get the exact opposite. I close off and there is a sense of separation.

Instead, I can find what I look for by noticing the dynamic, take a step back, take a look at what’s going on.

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