Through inquiry, I see how my misguided perceptions and actions are innocent, and also how they are love filtered through a belief.
And that helps me find the same in others.
I was reminded of this during an individual TRE session last week. The therapist seemed zealous about certain ideas and approaches, and I experienced it as uncomfortable and a bit puzzling.
After the session, I noticed some anger come up and I spent some time exploring it.
I found I was angry at myself for not having stopped her since it didn’t feel useful to me, I wanted to spend our brief time together in a different way, and also wanted a more satisfying connection.
I found that what she did came from love. Love of her stories, and she also did it because she thought it would help me. Being zealous about her own stories may also have been a way for her to feel that she protected herself. I do the same sometimes.
And I found my reactions came from love as well. I didn’t stop her because I was curious where she was coming from, and wanted to see if there was something in what she said that could be useful for me. (I see that came from a belief, and free from that I would have stopped her.) I was a bit angry afterwards which came from a belief she was wrong, so it was a way for me to protect myself. The anger helped me see I was angry at myself for not stopping her and finding a more satisfying interaction with her. And I also see I could use the energy behind anger (fierce) in the situation to stop her. The fierce energy of anger is a form of love, whether it is filtered through a belief or more clarity.
So in all of these ways, I find that what we both did came from love. It may have been a bit misguided for both of us. It was certainly filtered through beliefs from my side. And yet, behind all of that is love.
Finding more clarity around this, I see how we both are innocent. I find reconciliation in myself. I even find appreciation for what happened as expression of love and as a pointer for finding more clarity in myself. I see how I am somewhat misguided in not speaking up sooner in those situations, and set an intention of being more clear on this in similar situations in the future. And I emailed her sharing my experience, which felt good to me and may be helpful for her as well. It may help her see something in herself, or not, depending on how she receives it.
I am tempted to rewrite this as I have generalized way more than I am comfortable with. Sometimes, I fall into that trap because I am influenced by how some others write. It feels better to just write about my experience here and now instead of trying to pretend it’s some general rule, which it most certainly is not. Even for me, this will change as I continue to explore – especially if I am honest with myself and stay close to what’s real for me here and now. It’s good to leave this post as it is, as a reminder.
- love filtered
- love filtered through beliefs – can take many forms
- unravel, find love behind it