Oneness and its discontent

 

There is an inherent discomfort in oneness.

All is recognized as the divine (God, awareness), yet there is still a sense of an “I” it’s happening to – even as that sense of an “I” is also recognized as the play of the awareness.

This is inherently uncomfortable simply because of the appearance of a relationship, and this relationship comes with everything relationships come with – drama, ups and downs, holding onto states and so on.

Eventually, the appearance of a relationship wears out and reveals something much simpler. When identification drains out of the “I”, it leaves reality awake to itself. There is no longer any relationship apart from the appearance of relationships recognized as appearance, as the play of awareness.

The process goes from awakening to reality, to reality awake to itself.

In my case, absence of relationship came first, and then faded into oneness, followed by a dark night, and then…..? There was a knowing that “I” could stay in the absence of relationships, but for this to be lived more fully through an ordinary human life, it needed to first fade into oneness and then a dark night.

For me, the oneness phase was more transcendent where I lived from Big Mind/Big Heart and with passion, engagement, clarity, simplicity, insight and – for the most part – ease. The dark night phase is an invitation for my human self to realign more thoroughly with reality. Whatever is not aligned – wounds, beliefs etc. – surface to be seen, felt and loved as it is. The oneness phase was more about the head and heart centers and transcendence, and the dark night is more about the belly center and immanence.

In both phases, all is recognized as God. In the first phase, all was recognized as God and awareness – including everything related to this human self. And yet, there was a sense of “transcendence” of it all, of seeing it as is from “above”. Although all is recognized as the divine, there is a slight “separation” between awareness and the play of awareness as form and identification with the awareness side.

In the dark night phase, it’s slightly different. First, there was a “loss” of God and any ability to pray or meditate, then a gradual return of recognizing all as God, a few months of the bottom dropping out, and a return of an intensified dark night. During this most recent phase, there is still a recognition of all as God, and there is still a sense of “I” here (although precarious). There is also a process of rediscovering and working at what was easy and natural during the oneness phase, and of being repeatedly and consistently humbled through loss (of friends, opportunities, health) and seeing “I” cannot control the process or where it’s going. What was easy in oneness is now nearly impossible.

There are also moments where the “I” falls away, where awareness is aware of itself as a field and as and within the play of awareness as form, and also a sense of all happening within and as velvety blackness. This has to do with the belly center. This dark night phase has been quite prolonged, most likely because there is a good amount that needs to work itself out in this human self.

The oneness phase is what a lot of mystics and mystical poets talk about. It’s the chase of the Beloved, the joy of being with the Beloved, the loss of the Beloved, rejoining with the Beloved. It’s often accompanied by bliss, rapture, insights, inspiration and flow, and this often finds expression in art and poetry. When this wears out, what’s revealed is so simple there isn’t much to say about it, nor necessarily any impulse to say anything – unless asked by someone sincere for guidance and pointers. And that’s really all that can be put into words – pointers for the next step, something that may be useful in a practical, simple and ordinary way.

Note: The process of reality awakening to itself can happen in many different ways. When there is first a oneness phase, then it may wear itself out and reveal reality awake to itself – as described here. It can also go directly to reality awake to itself, and and alignment of our human self within that.

I notice that one of the challenges in the shift from oneness to reality awake to itself, is – not surprisingly – the loss of oneness! It’s the loss of relationship with God. The loss of the drama of that relationship. The loss of being caught up in passion, joy, bliss, insights. Am I willing to let go of that? Is it true “I” had it in the first place? Is it true it was ever possible to control or hold onto it?

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  • oneness and it’s inherent discomfort
    • all as God (the divine, awareness) yet still a sense of “I” it’s happening to
    • inherently uncomfortable – it’s a relationship with all it’s drama, ups and downs, holding onto states etc.
    • eventually wears out, reveals something much simpler
    • ……..

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The process goes from “I” awakening to all as God, to reality awake to itself. From awakening to reality to reality awake to itself. From realization of to being reality awake to itself.

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draft…..

There is an inherent discomfort in oneness.

All is recognized as the divine (God, awareness), yet there is still a sense of an “I” it’s happening to – even as that sense of an “I” is also recognized as the play of the awareness.

This is inherently uncomfortable simply because of the appearance of a relationship, and this relationship comes with everything relationships come with – drama, ups and downs, holding onto states and so on.

Eventually, the appearance of a relationship wears out and reveals something much simpler. When identification drains out of the “I”, it leaves reality awake to itself. There is no longer any relationship apart from the appearance of relationships recognized as appearance, as the play of awareness.

In my case, absence of relationship one came first, and then faded into oneness, followed by a dark night, and then…..? The fading into oneness was accompanied with a knowing that it was necessary for whatever needed to work itself out in my human self to do so. With an “I” there, this process could get some traction, and even more so through a following dark night phase. There was a knowing that both were needed.

The oneness phase was more “transcendent” where I lived from Big Mind/Big Heart and everything seemed simple and easy. The dark night phase is an invitation for my human self to realign more thoroughly with reality, it seems to be more about “immanence”. Not surprisingly, the oneness phase seemed more related to the head and heart center, and the dark night phase seem more related to the belly center. It’s taking a while, and that’s probably because there is a good amount that needs to work itself out in this human self.

Note: The oneness phase is what a lot of mystics and mystical poets talk about, perhaps because there is more to say about it. It’s often accompanied by bliss, rapture, insights, inspiration, flow and so on, and this often finds expression in art and poetry. When this wears out, what’s revealed is so simple there isn’t much to say about it, nor necessarily any impulse to say anything – unless asked by someone sincere for guidance and pointers. And that’s really all that can be put into words – pointers for the next step, something that may be useful in a practical, simple and ordinary way.

The oneness phase is about realization and insight, and what’s left when the sense of “I” wears itself out is being reality and living it through this ordinary human life.

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