In my case, what was most prominent during the initial awakening went away or swung into it’s reversals during the dark night of the soul.
I “lost” what I relief the most on, and what I – emotionally at least – associated with awakening or God.
Clarity was replaced with confusion. Stability with turmoil. Insights with dullness. Passion with blandness. Bliss with neutrality. A sense of being on track with a sense of being off track. A stable focus with fragmented focus. Energy with fatigue. Living from integrity with being out of integrity. An open heart with a numb heart. Health with illness. A sense of intimacy with alienation. Close and rewarding friendships with loss of friendships. An exiting future with no future.
This is also an expression of love, equally much as the initial awakening and anything else happening. It’s an invitation to (a) recognize that reality is what already allows and is it all, no matter what happens, and (b) recognize that’s what “I” am through wearing off identifications, beliefs and shoulds and whatever from my old ways of living creates friction with reality. I knew this during the initial phase too, but my emotions and several subpersonalities didn’t quite know it, and they are the ones invited to align more with reality now.
Evelyn Underhill writes about this in her chapter on the dark night in Mysticism, and I assume it’s pretty common. It’s part of the unfolding. It’s what’s needed for the remaining identifications to wear off so reality eventually can wake up to itself. The initial awakenings and dark nights are all experiences so reality eventually can wake up to itself and live more freely through this human self.
- dark night reversals
- what’s most prominent during initial phase may go away or switch into it’s reversal, the pendulum swings
- “lose” what relied on
- clarity, insights, passion, bliss, sense of being on track, friends, stable focus, energy, ability to get much done, living from integrity, an open heart etc.
- also an expression of love, an invitation to (a) recognize that reality is what already allows it all, and (b) that’s what “I” am – wearing off identifications, beliefs etc. – whatever creates friction between our old ways of living and reality waking up to itself
What’s most prominent during the initial awakening may go away or swing into it’s reversals during the dark night of the soul.