Inquiry: Nobody likes me

 

Nobody likes me.

This is a belief that’s far from my conscious view, but it is held my an aspect of my psyche and does color who and how I am.

I’ll answer from a time as a kid where I really believed it, after some episodes of bullying.

Is it true, nobody likes you?

Yes, it feels that way.

Can you be certain it’s true?

No. I cannot know.

How do you react when you believe that thought?

I feel that nobody likes me.

Whatever people do, I interpret to fit that nobody likes me.

I am not receptive to love or kindness from others.

I don’t believe it.

I cannot believe anyone would love or like me.

I feel sad. Grief.

I feel alone. Lost.

Hopeless.

When did you first have that thought?

When I was bullied as a kid.

Perhaps earlier, at a time when my parents were angry at me.

What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t have that belief?

Nobody would like me, I wouldn’t realize it, and wouldn’t do anything about it.

What do I hope to get from that belief – nobody likes me?

I hope to take care of myself, do something about it.

What do I actually get?

Grief. Sadness. Loneliness. Hopelessness.

Who would you be without the thought?

Receptive. Curious.

Noticing that some people like me.

Some like me while not knowing much about me.

Others like me while knowing a great deal about me.

Turnarounds

Someone likes me.

Yes. SE likes me, he is never mean. He is a good friend.

S. is also a good friend.

And A. is a good friend.

Everyone likes me.

If they love themselves, they love me too.

If they love themselves independent of who they are or what they do, they love me independent of who I am or what I do.

Nobody dislikes me.

They only dislike me when they believe their thoughts about me.

That’s the source of their dislike.

I don’t like me.

I tell myself they bully me because they don’t like me.

They don’t like me because I am unlike/unlovable.

So I tell myself I can’t like or love myself.

That’s more true than that they don’t like me.

I don’t know if they like me or not.

But I do know I don’t like myself when I believe these thoughts.

– o –

Related beliefs

When someone is angry at me, it means they don’t like/love me.

I need to be liked/loved by others.

I need *everyone* to like me.

I am unlovable.

– o –

Dialogue with me as a kid when bullied

It hurts, doesn’t it.

[Gives a hug. Holds.]

Yes….

How do you feel?

It’s almost unbearable.

I feel lost. Alone. Nobody likes me.

Yes, that sounds painful. No wonder you feel that way if they bully you.

[Quiet for a while.]

Is it true that nobody like you? Can you find someone who like you?

Yes. SE likes me. He has never bullied me. And S. And also A. They are always good friends. They like me.

Do they bully only you?

No. They bully several others. They bully, and don’t care so much who they bully. They just bully the ones who don’t fight back.

So you don’t fight back?

No. I just pretend it doesn’t hurt.

How do you feel when you don’t fight back and pretend it doesn’t hurt?

I feel sad. I feel angry. I want to fight back.

How would it be to fight back?

It would feel good. I am strong, equally strong or stronger than them. I can fight them. I can get them down on the ground.

I would feel my strength. My power.

Even if they didn’t stop bullying, or even if they put me to the ground, it would feel good.

Why don’t you fight back?

My parents told me I shouldn’t.

How does that feel?

It feels paralyzing. It feels wrong. I didn’t want to hear it.

What did you want to hear?

I wanted to hear that they would do whatever they can to stop the bullying. That they actively stand up for me.

I wanted to hear I am allowed to fight back.

Why do you think they bully?

Hm. I think they hurt too.

They are probably doing it to feel better, even if it doesn’t really work.

Maybe they just want others to know that they hurt.

How do you feel now?

Much better. I feel seen, heard, understood.

I feel someone is actively on my side.

I feel stronger. Can’t wait to stand up for myself and feel how it feels.

I feel someone covers my back, you and me together. It feels good.

– o –

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