Night experiences

 

For a while now – several months or more – I have had different types of experiences surfacing during the night.

A familiar one over the last few years is old wounds and stored traumas surfacing as energy, emotions and images. They wish to release and discharge. To be seen, felt and loved. To find liberation from their suffering. These are emotions that were not completely felt and allowed at the time, and also beliefs at the time which created the trauma. The situations are universally human, and some are smaller things I haven’t thought of since then and some are more major themes.

Since last fall, there have been periods where a primal terror and dread surfaces, sometimes strong and sometimes more as an undercurrent. It’s a primal animal fear, and I cannot easily place this on anything in particular but the closest is a primal fear of death, dissolving, not being.

In periods, there is a sense of dissolving, of losing internal landmarks. This one has happened on and off for a few years. There is often some resistance when this happens as it feels like I am losing my mind.

And sometimes other things happen, as last night when there was an immense pressure and the image of a huge black sphere in front of me. As long as there was a sense of I and other, there was an immense pressure, and when I recognized that as an image only, there was just the black universe and me dissolving into it and it was OK.

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