Imagining his stories and finding them here

 

Here is a good exercise I mentioned briefly in a previous post:

To deepen my inquiry in this situation, I can imagine myself as the guy holding the gun. What beliefs does he have? How is it to do inquiry on those beliefs? Can I find where I have them too? Some beliefs I imagine he may have: I am absolutely right. I am a savior. I know better than them. They will thank me later. I need to make a statement. They are profoundly wrong. They are dangerous. They will destroy our culture. I need them to know how much I hurt. I am not heard. I am misunderstood. 

This can be done with anyone in the news, movies, books, my life or from history. What stories do I imagine he/she has? How is it to do inquiry on those beliefs? Can I find where I have thought – and believed – those stories?

It may be easier to start with – and find in myself – the more underlying and universal stories, but any story is fair game. If I can think the thought, I can imagine how it is to believe it, and I most likely have believed it once or more than once. I can also change the statement a bit, and perhaps make it a bit more universal, to find where it resonates for me.

In the example above, I can find where I have had each of those stories. I am him. He is me.

– o –

They will destroy our culture. 

(For me, this story is about the right-wing people in Norway wishing to demolish our social democratic society.)

True?

Yes.

Sure it’s true? 

No.

What happens, how do you react, when you believe that thought? 

I get angry. Frustrated.

I feel that something bad will happen.

Something wonderful will be lost.

I think that they are idiots. They don’t know what they are doing.

My legs/calves tense.

Who would you be if you couldn’t think that thought? 

Interested in their experience, what’s behind their views, what they really wish for.

Friendly. Wishing to see if what they really wish for and what I really wish for is the same.

(Even if our strategies may be different.)

Open to find where their views are genuinely valid to me.

Turnarounds

They won’t destroy our culture. 

1. They are not many enough to destroy our culture.

2. They may change it, not destroy it.

3. Societies swing so even if it swings in that direction it may swing back later.

I will destroy our culture. 

1. I do, in my mind, when I create opposition and enemies as I do when I believe that thought.

2. I am not exactly a model of preserving our culture. I have lived for many years abroad. I have views that are radical even – or maybe especially – for Norway.

3. There are things I would like to see change, especially in the direction of being more life-centered, and this would profoundly change – or destroy as some would see it – our culture.

– o –
– o –
– o –

 I need her to know how much I hurt. 

(I’ll keep a specific situation in mind.)

True?

Yes.

Sure it’s true? 

No.

What happens when you believe that thought? 

I feel deeply hurt, and I want her to know it.

I tell myself she hurt me.

I feel that I am not getting through to her.

I feel I am not heard.

She is not receptive.

I obsess over how to get through to her.

As a last resort, I say or do something to hurt her, so she will know how much I hurt.

Who would I be without that thought? 

Free to tell her how I feel.

I stay in my own business.

Telling her is enough.

Receptive to how she responds.

Turnarounds

I don’t need her to know how much I hurt. 

1. She may know already.

I need me to know how much I hurt. 

1. I want to take it in. It’s real, so I want to take it in.

2. It helps me recognize the belief behind it and explore it.

3. It helps me recognize how much a belief can hurt.

4. It helps me understand how much others may hurt when they believe their thoughts.

– o –
– o –
– o –

I am misunderstood. 

(I will answer from one situation where I remember having that thought.)

True?

Yes.

Sure it’s true? 

Yes.

What happens when I believe that thought? 

I get frustrated.

I try to get my point across.

I think that she doesn’t get it.

I feel that she doesn’t want to get it.

I feel I am not heard, not seen.

I feel isolated, lonely.

There is some anger, bitterness.

Who would I be if I couldn’t think that thought? 

I see someone who has a different perception of the situation than me.

I see two people sitting and talking, and that the rest is my story.

I am free to express my experience of the situation.

I am free to talk about my perception that we see it differently, if it’s necessary to resolve it, and if so how we may go about doing it.

Friendly. Connected.

Taking care of myself.

Turnarounds

I am not misunderstood. 

1. I can find many examples in our connection where I don’t feel misunderstood.

(I’ll leave out the examples here.)

2. I can find many – lots – of examples in my life in general where I don’t feel misunderstood.

– o –

I see that the statement is more clearly she misunderstands me, so a turnaround for that is:

I misunderstand her.

Yes, I don’t quite understand where she is coming from.

She most likely has some stories I am not aware of.

So I clearly misunderstand her.

– o –

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