It will never change.
I woke up with a heavy and foggy feeling this morning, and had that thought.
Since I did this inquiry with P. over Skype, I’ll just mention some highlights here.
It will change.
1. It has changed in the past. I wake up with a heavy/foggy feeling, and it lightens or passes after a few hours.
2. The idea of “heavy” and “foggy” are just ideas. I cannot find heaviness or fogginess outside of those images.
3. The idea of “present” and “future” are just ideas. I cannot find past, present or future outside of these images.
4. The idea of an “I” that this happens to is just an idea. I cannot find an “I” outside of that image.
– o –
The whole world is gone.
And then some fear came up. This is a betrayal of suffering. It’s a betrayal of what I have been taught. It’s a betrayal of how most people see the world.
What’s behind that fear?
If my whole world falls away in this way, what do I most fear would happen?
People will see me as weird.
I will be lonely.
Nobody will understand.
I will lose friends and relationships.
I won’t know how to be in the world.
I will lose my map – my “cheat sheet” – of how to be in the world, and how the world is.
– o –