Inquiry: It will never change

 

It will never change.

I woke up with a heavy and foggy feeling this morning, and had that thought.

Since I did this inquiry with P. over Skype, I’ll just mention some highlights here.

Turnarounds

It will change.

1. It has changed in the past. I wake up with a heavy/foggy feeling, and it lightens or passes after a few hours.

2. The idea of “heavy” and “foggy” are just ideas. I cannot find heaviness or fogginess outside of those images.

3. The idea of “present” and “future” are just ideas. I cannot find past, present or future outside of these images.

4. The idea of an “I” that this happens to is just an idea. I cannot find an “I” outside of that image.

– o –

The whole world is gone.

And then some fear came up. This is a betrayal of suffering. It’s a betrayal of what I have been taught. It’s a betrayal of how most people see the world.

What’s behind that fear?

If my whole world falls away in this way, what do I most fear would happen?

People will see me as weird.

I will be lonely.

Nobody will understand.

I will lose friends and relationships.

I won’t know how to be in the world.

I will lose my map – my “cheat sheet” – of how to be in the world, and how the world is.

– o –

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