Is it true happiness is not already here?
Is it true contentment is not already here?
Is it true this is not enough? Is it true it has to be big?
For the last couple of years, I haven’t had a future. It’s been impossible to envision a future, apart from perhaps what’s on my schedule one or two days ahead.
I used to pin images on the future, and then feel optimistic because of those images. I used the future to make myself content and happy.
So now the question is: Can I find contentment without a future? Can I experience happiness without relying on images?
(What I find right now: There is a quiet joy in awareness, independent of anything else it seems. And there is contentment when I notice that I am what’s here, without any inside and outside. It’s not as flashy as the happiness that comes from an idea about the future, but is it true it has to be big?)