Why did the dark night happen?

 

Why did the dark night of the soul happen? Why did it happen this way, as a “massive train wreck” as Barry said (also about himself during that phase) or as a “bloody mess” as Adyashanti puts it? Why didn’t it happen in a gentler way, with more support, as I had envisioned before it happened? (During the years in a unity state, I knew it needed to go deeper. But I didn’t think it would look like this.)

I see three reasons, the two first similar to how Evelyn Underhill explains it, and the third similar to what Adyashanti has said about his own process:

(a) Exhaustion. During the unity phase, I lived from passion, had a great deal of energy, and was very productive. I could do just about anything I put my mind to. It’s natural for this to swing back to a less active (in theory, more restful!) phase.

(b) There were still old wounds and beliefs here. They were “hidden” to some extent within the brilliant light of the unity phase, although I knew they were there. During the dark night, they have surfaced to be seen, felt and loved. They seek inclusion. They seek healing and clarity. For these to surface and be acknowledged, it seems that the “light” had to fade. (Another way to see this: Just prior to the darkest phase of the dark night, there were several months of an absence of identification as an I, and this may have removed the “lid” on the shadow material allowing it to surface.)

(c) I made misguided choices out of hubris. I over-rode my inner guidance and truth, because I thought I could deal with it. I put myself in a situation where I lost my inner and outer support, and felt paralyzed by some of my old wounds and beliefs. The only way out of it is to be more honest with myself and others. To find and follow my heart again, my inner knowing and guidance. And as part of this, identify the beliefs paralyzing me and find more clarity, and allow those parts of me wounded by those beliefs to find healing.

Note: For (c), when I said hubris, I see that is correct in a certain way, but it’s more true that it was out of fear and beliefs. I was afraid of losing something, so made a series of choices that went against my inner knowing and truth. And that had consequences, some of which have brought up a whole set of other beliefs (resistance, tantrums) and wounds. The choices I made out of fear and beliefs is also the reason for the lack of support, at least the support I envisioned ahead of time, during this phase.

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Takk! Setter pris på det. Føler at jeg skjønner det bedre nå egentlig, hvorfor det skjedde. (Kombinasjon av (a) utmattelse, (b) ting som skal opp for å helbredes/avklares, (c) gjorde litt dumme valg ut ifra overmot).

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