Some nights, there is a sense of everything dissolving. And some other nights, there is a sense of an infinite stillness and vacuum sucking everything into itself – including any sense of I.
A primal survival instinct surfaces when this happens, and some beliefs – some stories, fears and resistance.
So I can….
(a) Breathe. Feel. Turn it over to God (infinite love/intelligence).
(b) Simple questions: (i) Is there a “yes” behind the stories and fears? What happens if I find and connect with that yes? (ii) Is it true it’s too much?
(c) Identify and inquire into some of the stories:
I will die. I won’t function. Something terrible will happen. (If it is allowed to happen.)
I’ll never be able to function again if I let it happen. I’ll die. Resistance is my only hope. It will never change. It’s all encompassing,
(d) Shake (TRE) while keeping this vacuum in mind.
I did inquiry on something terrible will happen, and found among other things:
With the belief: I avoid it through distraction, by going into stories about it. (The ones above.)
Without the belief: It is allowed by feeling it.
There is an image of an antelope eaten by a lion. There is no way out, so at some point it lets it happen.
There is also an image of a black hole. When I hold onto the beliefs, I am holding on for dear life so I won’t get sucked into the black hole. Without the belief, I am sucked into it – with some curiosity.
Also, being caught up in beliefs (resistance, fear) may make it more difficult to function the day after. I am more marked by it. If it was allowed, that may be less likely to happen, and really – I don’t know.
It all feels very primal and physical, as if it’s the most basic survival instincts that surface.