Inquiry: I am a disappointment to God

I am a disappointment to God. 

I did this inquiry in person, so am skipping to the turnarounds here.

T1: I am not a disappointment to God.

T2: I am a joy to God.

Everything is a joy to God.

(I notice emotions catching up. It’s good for me to stay with this one, to explore it further and allow emotions to catch up.)

T3: God is a disappointment to me.

 Definitively true, any time life doesn’t align with my beliefs (my shoulds, expectations, identifications).

Examples: When I got chronic fatigue, when I got sick on my travels last week, when I couldn’t do the level 2 certification in Norway in May as planned.

 – o –

Further explorations:

I am a disappointment to God, and that means….

God will leave/abandon me.

I will be eternally lost lost/alone/separate.

I will be doomed forever.

I am a disappointment to God because….

I am not living up to my potentials (in art, awakening, activity in the world).

I have chronic fatigue.

I went through a dark night (of the soul).

I made wrong decisions (moving to Wisconsin, leaving my studies at UiO).

I made my life go off track. My life got off track.

–> I failed God.

God is separate and judging.

A basic belief:

God will abandon me. (Situation: Before incarnation.)

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