Dread

 

I woke up with a sense of dread this morning, perhaps brought to the surface from some shaking yesterday.

Sensations

Still in bed, I brought attention to the sensations. What’s here in sensations? What is the sensation component of the experience of dread?

By doing this, I find that the image/label/story component of dread becomes more clear as well. I recognize it as an image, label and stories.

Images, labels and beliefs

I also made a note of some of those labels and stories.

It’s dread. It means something terrible has happened. It means something terrible will happen. 

Just by noticing these and asking myself is it true? there was a shift. I saw that the label dread is simply a label. There are sensations, a label of “dread”, which then creates an experience of dread. Dread is entirely created by this combination of sensations and a label. On top of this are stories of what dread means – something terrible has happened, something terrible will happen. And this is also entirely created by images and stories.

Some additional beliefs surfacing for me now: I won’t be able to take care of myself (due to the cf). I will be alone, lost. I am a disappointment to myself, others, God/life. 

I can take these to a more full inquiry to see what I find.

Shaking

While still in bed, I did some shaking while bringing attention to the dread and it’s associated fears and beliefs. After getting up, I drank plenty of water, did some self-Breema and yoga, and did a bit more shaking (standing and on the floor) while bringing the feeling of dread and it’s related fears and beliefs to mind.

Dialog , Practical Advice & Identifying Beliefs

Following these simple inquiries and the shaking, and while still in bed, I looked at what in my life I may want to take care of in a very practical sense. I want to finish a project and do the next steps in two certification programs, and also call my parents to connect and see how they are doing. (Next steps: Do some writing on my project today. Set up an individual TRE session. Do homework for the telecourse on turnarounds.)

Going further now, I can dialog with dread to see what it has to say.

(a) What practical advice and pointers does it have? (And do these make sense to me? If they do, I may take them. And if there is fear or thoughts about following what appears as good advice, I can write down the beliefs that stops me and take them to inquiry.)

(b) What fears and beliefs are there? What do I find when I take these to inquiry?

Brief dialog:

Can I speak with dread please? Yes. What do you do? I bring up dread. How do you help P.? I keep him safe. I tell him when he needs to pay attention to, and take care of, something. I prevent him from being naive and foolish. At least, that’s my intention. How do you see the world? The world is a dangerous place. It’s terrifying. P. needs to be careful. It would even be better for him if he didn’t exist, since he would then be safe from the dangers of the world. How does he relate to you? He tends to get caught up in me or push me away. Lately, there has been a shift. He seems more curious about me. What advice do you have for him? Be careful. I actually like when you do inquiry because it helps you find what’s more real and true, which helps you stay safe. It helps you sober up and align with reality. What practical advice do you have for him now? Take care of the practical things in your life. Finish your project, do what’s needed to finish your two certification programs. Nurture and take care of the important relationships in your life.


 

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draft….

– sensations + label + stories of what it means

(a) sensations – bring attention to the sensations

(b) inquiry into beliefs/stories – it’s dread, it means something terrible has happened/will happen,

(c) dialog, listen to what it has to say – (i) fears/beliefs + (ii) pointers, practical guidelines

 

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