I often notice that a feeling of hurt – or a wound – behind whatever reactivity, any anger, sadness or frustration, that comes up.
And behind this sense of hurt is often a childhood situation, a story about a wound, and – especially – fear and one or more beliefs.
Some beliefs behind this hurt, keeping in mind some childhood situations:
Nobody loves me.
Life is not fair to me.
Others have it better than me. He/she has more power than me.
It’s hurt. It’s a wound. It’s a childhood wound.
Note: When reactivity (anger, sadness, frustration etc.) is here, I find it’s often helpful to ask myself: What am I really feeling? What’s really here? When I notice I feel hurt, and it feels like a wound has been poked, something shifts. It’s more honest. I am less caught in the surface expressions of it (whether it’s anger, sadness, frustration or what it may be). And, if it feels right, I sometimes mention it to the other person, and the honesty there may shift something between us. Then I can also identify beliefs behind the hurt, from the current or a childhood situation, and take it to inquiry.