How I am right now needs to change.
Situation: I had a conversation with a friend, felt a bit reactive/defensive, and noticed thoughts such as: She is pushy. She asks too many questions. She wants to analyze everything. She brings it into the mental. I noticed I was fighting my experience, and had the thought above about it.
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Is it true?
What happens, how do you react, when you have that belief?
I feel split, at war with myself.
I want to find belief and take it to inquiry.
I want to manipulate myself.
I see myself as not OK as I am right now.
I want to end the conversation and do inquiry instead.
There is pressure on my chest. Tense shoulders. It feels like I am in a straitjacket.
Who would you be without that thought?
I am more open to how I feel.
I see that I am the one pushing against it.
Friendly towards my experience.
TA: How I am right now does not need to change
It’s already here, it’s too late.
I am the one that has the thought it needs to change. Life/reality doesn’t agree.
It’s honest and real, it’s what’s here now
TA: How I think right now needs to change.
It’s painful to believe that how I feel/react is wrong and needs to change.
TA: how i am right now needs to stay the same
It has already happened, it’s too late for it to change. It’s gone (as soon as it is reflected in thought).
I can notice my beliefs about it, my resistance, find clarity.
If it does stay the same (appears to stay the same over time), it’s because life “wants” it to stay the same.
TA: How I am right now is perfect.
It’s honest and real.
I get to see how uncomfortable it is to resist (the experience that’s here now).
It’s a manifestation of life.
It’s a manifestation of human life, it’s makes me just like anyone else, it’s humbling in a good way. It’s an invitation for me to see how I am just like anyone else.
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It’s not OK for me to be reactive.
It needs to change. How I feel needs to change. What’s coming up in me needs to change.
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