It’s my peace.
Situation: (a) Someone is noisy on the train (playing loud music, talking loudly.)
(b) A neighbor who is noisy (loud talking, music, construction.)
Sure it’s true?
What happens, how do you react, when you have that belief?
I tell myself they are disturbing my peace.
I get agitated. Tense.
I want to be somewhere else.
I put them down in my mind. I tell myself they are crude, uncivilized, disrespectful, unaware, not mindful.
I feel that there is no room for me in this world.
My breath is shallow. My shoulders and calves tense up.
I send them “the look”.
I notice my reactivity, and hold back from talking with them for that reason.
I sometimes ask them to quiet down, and do so with some tension and reactivity.
Who would you be without that thought?
Noticing that a sense of peace comes and goes. It’s not what I am. It’s content of experience.
I am more free to (a) remove myself from the situation and (b) ask them to quiet down.
I am curious to see if there is peace here, even when I tell myself there is not.
I may find enjoyment in the sounds.
I may notice that sounds happen in/as awareness.
I may notice how sounds appear instantaneously in/as awareness, and that any reactivity belongs to a whole set of images that comes later on (an image of a sound, a person creating the sound, a me here, being disturbed by it, reacting to it).
TA: It’s not my peace.
It came on its own accord. It leaves on its own accord. It lives its own life.
I don’t “own” it. I can’t control it.
“Peace” is a label. It’s not what it really is.
TA: It’s my war.
I am the one creating a war in my mind around this.
I believe my images/stories, and there is war.
There is no war/unrest inherent in the situation itself.
– o –
They are crude, uncivilized, disrespectful, unaware, not mindful.
There is no room for me in this world.
I am too sensitive for this world.
There is something wrong with me.
I am immature (in how I relate to noise).
– 0 –
An a favorite comic book story from childhood: Donald’s Raucous Role by Carl Barks.
(I was sound sensitive even back then! And is that true?)
– 0 –