This is about a spiritual teacher (Vigdis G.) and my TRE instructor (BA) in Oslo.
In my one meeting with VG and individual sessions with BA, I verbally made a note of beliefs I noticed or suspected in myself, usually by saying “I notice I have a belief that…”.
I am used to doing this with spiritual teachers (Barry, Adyashanti) and therapists (Bonnie G.) on the US west coast since they are very well familiar with inquiry into beliefs, and see it as an important part of the process. In this case, both VG and BA seemed to take what I said literally and to solidify it. They seemed to take it as a consciously held belief, and sometimes would respond with preaching (even indignation).
I noticed a few things in how I reacted: (a) I felt offended they could think these were consciously held beliefs. (b) I felt offended they thought the standard views they presented to me would be new to me. (c) I was disappointed they didn’t seem familiar with this way of working – of noting beliefs for later inquiry. (d) I was disappointed BA, who is a psychotherapist, seemed unfamiliar with inquiry, transpersonal/integral psychology, kundalini processes etc. (e) I felt hurt and responded with making them wrong in my own mind.
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She is naive.
Is it true?
Can you know for certain it’s true?
How do you react, what happens, when you have that belief?
I feel disappointed. I see her as provincial. I feel alone.
I think that if she is the best Norway can come up with in terms of spiritual teachers, it’s a pretty sad and provincial situation.
I think it was a mistake to return to Norway.
I feel offended, hurt, by her assumptions.
I feel not seen, misunderstood.
I try to explain, then give up.
I secretly resent her, wishing for the session to be over.
I tell myself I can’t believe she is not familiar with inquiry, integral psychology, kundalini etc.
I make her wrong in my own mind.
I see her as uninformed, provincial, incompetent.
I experience separation. Retreat. Don’t want to engage as fully.
I tell myself I am doing the sessions just to get certified, and want it over with as quickly as possible.
I feel misunderstood. Distressed. Alone.
Who would you be without it?
Recognizing that we have different backgrounds, experiences and frames of reference.
Wishing for a more genuine meeting, even if we chose to not work together.
Wishing to clarify, and also clarify if it’s a good match for me.
Open to see what I can learn from it.
Trust. Friendly. At home.
She is not naive.
VG: She is familiar with her own path. She is probably more familiar with certain things than I am.
BA: She is familiar with using what she has been trained in.
I am naive.
I am naive when I think they should be familiar with the same as me, when I use that as a standard.
I am naive when I expect to find the same in Norway as I am familiar with from the US west coast.
I am naive when I put my standards – what I find interesting and important – on other people.
I am naive when I take my thoughts about them/this situation as true.
My thinking is naive.
My thinking is just questions about the world.
It’s naive if it’s taken as true, since the world is always different.
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She is not competent. She (her approach) is provincial.
I wasn’t seen by her. I need to be seen by her.
She misunderstood me.
I cannot make myself understood to her.
Norway is too provincial for me.
– 0 –
She is naive. She is not competent. She is provincial.
VG, BA, when I made a note of a belief for myself (speaking it out loud), and they respond w indignation, moralizing, preaching (saying things i am well familiar w and are irrelevant since i was making a note of a belief for myself, for later inquiry)
(a) Offended that they could think that about me, that it’s a consciously held belief, and (b) what they said was completely standard, as if i didn’t already know, was well familiar with it.
I would say “i notice i have a belief”, suspecting it’s there somewhere in me, while they seemed to think it was a consciously held belief.