Embarrassment as a guardian of the treasure

 

One of the guardians of the treasure is embarrassment.

As I trace beliefs back to (a) underlying beliefs, and (b) the earliest situation I can remember – or even imagine – having them, they seem to originate in very early childhood. (As much as Freud’s views were colored by his times and culture, many of his basics seem to fit my own experience.)

Some of these are quite primal: I will die. It’s terrible to die. Something terrible will happen.

Others seem – from my view some years later – a bit silly: Nobody loves me. I am unlovable. I am abandoned.

I notice how embarrassment is one of the gatekeepers, one of the guardians of the treasure. I see the thought as a bit silly and obviously not true, so even if it feels true somewhere in me and is clearly held as a belief, I sometimes dismiss it.

There is a set of beliefs here about these beliefs: I know it’s not true. It’s immature to have this belief. It’s embarrassing to have this belief. I don’t want people to know I have this belief.

 

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