Richness

 

I keep coming back to this:

During the initial awakening, reality was awake to itself in a quite clear way. It was clear that everything – with no exceptions – is God, Spirit, the Divine, awareness.

And yet, there were also beliefs there at another level – often at an emotional level. Many of them were recognized as not true, yet there was an emotional charge or pull to them. They were, in a certain sense, experienced as real emotionally and energetically.

These beliefs were all formed by culture and experience, and many seem quite universal among humans.

There were some beliefs about awakening, often subtle, “hidden” and not consciously taken as true, and yet there and not quite resolved: (a) Awakening is an “end point”. (b) Awakening allows only certain states. (c) The human stuff is mostly resolved. These are all part of the “dream of the ego”, the hopes and wished that quite naturally form when there is an identification as an I. They must have formed quite early in life – not about awakening of course, but of some ideal state somewhere out there or in the past or future. And then they got put on the awakening. (Which comes with a belief that awakening is a thing, something that can be defined and pinned down.)

There was still an emotional belief in being a me and I, and this surfaced when the intensity of the initial awakening faded. There was also a belief that something went wrong when the sense of I resurfaced.

And there are even beliefs about beliefs: Beliefs are not OK. Beliefs means something is wrong. Beliefs means something terrible will happen. There are still beliefs here, and that means I am a disappointment to life (God). 

So although all of these beliefs are seen as not true at a conscious and surface level, they are still there. And they each deserve a closer look, a more finely grained exploration.

And there is also gratitude here for this richness.

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– initial awakening, quite clear and yet also beliefs (many at emotional level mostly/only)
– what’s left: beliefs that awakening is an “end point”, allowing only certain states, and that human stuff is mostly resolved
– of course, life continues to unfold before and w/in awakening (it’s a process, flow), things become more clear (reality continues to recognize new facets of itself), any state is allowed (since it’s what already allows any state that notices itself), human stuff will continue to come up (to be seen, felt, loved, realign)

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