Asking for the middle ground

 

Adyashanti sometimes talks about true prayer.

In front of the altar in the main temple of Bodh Gaya, I spent hours and days sincerely and deeply asking for complete awakening, no matter what it would cost. The sequence of events that led into the dark night started not long after.

A little less than two years ago, I asked to be shown what’s left, and a couple of weeks later was plunged into primal dread and terror lasting for almost a year.

And even now, bubbles of confusion (wounds, fears, beliefs) surface, and sometimes feel overwhelming.

It’s like cooking. If the heat is too high the food is burnt. If it’s too low, it doesn’t cook at all. And if it’s in the middle, it cooks well and in a reasonable time.

In my experience, asking to be shown what’s left, or asking for clarity no matter the cost, seems to invite in a quite hot fire. The universe was kind and gave me what I asked for. Another thing I got out of it is recognizing the value of medium heat, and that I can ask for that as well.

So now, when I remember, I ask for the middle ground. When bubbles of confusion surface, let it be in a way I can handle better, so I can relate to it with kindness and some wisdom.

In my experience, a true prayer feels like an alignment with what’s already ready to happen. If I leave out asking for how, the universe seems to turn up the heat to the point where I feel burnt. So I can ask for it to happen in a gentle way. In this case, medium heat seems to cook the food the best.

Note: I definitely feel a bit burnt both from the dark night and the dread and terror that surfaced. It was more than I was ready for, at least in terms of consistently meeting it with sanity, kindness and wisdom. The process itself was, in a sense, traumatizing, so I see how asking for the middle ground is more kind and even wise. I also see that all of that are stories, and not absolutely true: It wasn’t too much because I am still here. I traumatized myself through my stories about what happened. And I learned something valuable from it, I got to live it.

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Adyashanti sometimes talks about true prayer, a prayer that’s from the heart, deeply sincere, and not from the surface personality.

A couple of years ago, I asked to be shown what’s left, and was plunged into months of primal dread and terror. I forgot to ask for it to happen in a specific way.

Even now, bubbles of confusion (wounds, fears, beliefs) surface and feel a bit overwhelming.

So when I remember, I ask for the middle ground. Show me what’s left – the wounds, fears and beliefs that are here, so they can be seen, felt and loved. So I can identify and inquire into the beliefs behind them. So they can realign with reality. And in a way that

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– so it’s easier for me to open to it, notice and inquire into the beliefs behind it, find love for it and recognize it as love.

If it’s too hot, I recoil from what’s surfacing. I tend to get caught in resistance, in fears and beliefs. It can even feel a bit traumatizing. So why not ask for the middle ground?

 

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