This is something many talk and write about these days:
There may be an initial awakening or opening (as it was for me in my mid-teens). There is a shift into Big Mind/Heart. Spirit notices itself as everything and everyone, without exception. The world (Spirit, God, Brahman) is revealed as a seamless whole. The boundary between inner and outer is revealed as just coming from an image overlaid on perception. The images of me and I are recognized as only images, and identification with them may be released at a conscious level, and may or may not release at an emotional level.
During this time, there may still be wounds and beliefs at the human level. And they may not be noticed much, for a while, since attention is released out of these wounds and beliefs. The brilliant light of Spirit is so strong that these – in contrast – minor hangups are barely noticed.
At some point, these wounds and beliefs surface again. They want to be included in the light. They want to align with reality. Emotions that were stuffed as they initially surfaced, often prior to the awakening, surface now to have their life, to be felt, to move through, and release. Beliefs created earlier in life, and still held at an emotional and sometimes conscious level, surface to be inquired into, so the thought can be released from being taken as true.
This may happen within Spirit noticing itself. There may not be any “need” for Spirit to re-identify as a me and/or I. The surfacing and moving through of stuffed emotions, and the surfacing and inquiry into beliefs, may happen within Spirit remaining aware of itself as all of it. This happened for me, to some extent, during the initial illumination phase.
Another option is that Spirit may temporarily re-identify as the me and/or I. One way of looking at this is that certain crucial images and thoughts have not been seen through thoroughly. Another is that this temporary re-identification allows emotions and beliefs to surface without being eclipsed by the brilliance of Spirit recognizing itself. This may be a darker dark night, and for me, this is what happened following the illumination phase. And even then, it shifted to some extent between the two options.
This is all about our human self, allowing it to reorganize and realign with reality more thoroughly, at more levels, in more areas of life, in relation to more of the possible thoughts that come up in us. It can bring clarity and insights into more areas of life, and it allows Spirit noticing itself to live with more kindness through this human life.
Spirit may well notice itself, as described initially, and yet be hindered in it’s expressed by remaining wounds and beliefs at a human level. The more clarity there is on the variety of thoughts surfacing, the more stuffed emotions are released, the more there is a deep healing and maturing at a human level, the more free Spirit is in it’s expression and it’s life through and as this human self in the world.
Note: The remaining beliefs are typically held at an emotional (and energetic?) level, and sometimes – but certainly not always – at the level of our conscious view. I notice for myself that I often see through a belief, I know it’s not and cannot be true, and yet – at an emotional level – it’s held as true, and I notice that when it’s triggered by life circumstances, or bubbles up on its own.
– attention released out of wounds/beliefs, into BM/BH
– still, bubbles of confusion, (a) instances, often early in childhood, where a thought was taken as true, creating a wound, (b) parts of the human self, confused/wounded
– will surface at some point, want to align with reality, want to take part in the same clarity
This is, from what I understand, not atypical:
In my teens, there was an initial awakening or opening, a shift into Big Mind/Heart, Spirit noticing itself as everything and everyone, recognizing the images of me and I as just images, temporarily identified with. Along with this, there was a release of attention out of (older) wounds, fears and beliefs.
This stayed for some years, and there was a recognition that much in the human self needed healing and aligning with reality, and even a great deal of work aiming for this through therapy, shadow work, and much more.
Here is a sequence that may not be uncommon:
There is a shift into Big Mind/Heart. Spirit notices itself as everything and everyone. The images of me and I are recognized as images, and the previous identification with them is softened or released.
At the same time, there are still bubbles of confusion at the human level. Emotions may not have been fully felt at some point in the past, so got “stuck” and wait to surface, move through, and release. Beliefs may have been formed early in life, creating wounds back then and still triggered today, so these to may surface to be seen through and align with reality.
When these emotions, wounds, fears and beliefs surface,
Or the clarity of Spirit noticing itself may fade so these emotions and beliefs can surface more freely and be noticed more clearly. For me, it was more the latter, and some of the former.