I just now did the Big Mind process on what initiated the dark night for me, and it helped me differentiate between my inner guidance and God’s will. In short, when I follow my inner guidance, my inner guidance and God’s will are the same, and if I don’t follow my inner guidance, they are different.
I thought – without even realizing it – that my inner guidance somehow is God’s will, so when I went against my inner guidance, I went against God’s will, and it severed or ruined my connection with God. Through this exploration, I see that it’s more true for me that my inner guidance shows me what’s easy for me, it shows me what will make me feel deeply nourished and on track. God’s will is quite different. Nothing is outside of God’s will, including whether or not I follow my inner guidance. What happened was all included in God’s will. All I did was not follow my inner guidance, because of some fears and beliefs, and that’s quite different. That’s innocent.
Saying that my inner guidance shows me what’s easy means something quite specific. When I follow my inner guidance, there is – in my experience – a sense of being deeply on track, and it’s easy because it feels right and aligned. If I don’t follow my inner guidance, and something – my life – feels off track, it may feel difficult and uncomfortable in an equally deep sense. Following my inner guidance may be easy or not in other ways, for instance, my inner guidance may clash with some of my fears and beliefs, which may be experienced as quite challenging.
Here is the relevant part of the dialog:
– o –
Can I speak with inner guidance?
Who are you?
What function do you have?
I provide guidance for people, a different guidance than what they find elsewhere.
I am also called the quiet inner voice, the heart, even the inner voice of God.
How does P. relate to you?
He is ambivalent towards me.
He used to appreciate me very much. For many years, I was a constant and close companion for him.
Then, he felt he was in conflict with me, about living in Wisconsin.
I was quite clear for him to get out, if he wanted an easy life, one that felt on track.
He told himself he was caught up in fears and beliefs, and didn’t follow me because of that.
He still, at times, beats himself up for it.
He even tells himself he went against God’s will.
What’s the connection between you and God’s will?
He thinks I am the same as God’s will, and I am not.
I am only the voice that tells him what’s an easy life, one that feels deeply nourishing, on track.
God’s will is quite different. It’s what is, what happens.
God’s will includes him being confused and choosing as he did.
Is P. confused about this?
Yes. He thought – without really being aware of it or examining it – that I am the same as God’s will.
That’s been a big part of the pain for him.
He thought he went against God’s will, while he really just went against me.
How does he relate to you because of that misunderstanding?
He made himself feel burnt, even a bit scared of me.
He sometimes shies away from me.
Do you have advice for P?
Yes. I am your friend.
I only tells you what’s an easy path, what will make it feel that you are on track.
Try following me in small things in everyday life. Things that don’t matter so much.
Find confidence again through that. You used to have confidence in me, and you can find it again.
Remember my role. Don’t make it into anymore than that. I am not the same as God’s will.
You may also find it helpful to inquire into some of your thoughts on me, and find what’s more true.
You already know, and this will help you remind yourself.
Can I speak with God’s will?
Who am I speaking with?
What’s your function?
I am what makes anything happen.
I am what’s behind anything happening.
I am what happens, what’s here.
Is anything excluded from you?
No. Whatever happens is included in me.
How does P. relate to you?
He has a somewhat ambivalent relationship with me, out of confusion.
As you heard earlier, he thought his inner guidance is the same as me.
That has created confusion and pain for him.
Do you have advice for him?
Remember that I am what’s here.
Nothing happens without me.
What you sometimes think of as “your” will is also me.
It wouldn’t happen if it wasn’t for me.
When you went against your inner guidance, in your experience, that too was me.
I am completely aligned with you.
There is no separation.
You don’t need to feel or think that you went against me.
You don’t need to beat yourself up for it.
What may help you, especially here, is to identify your thoughts on this and find more clarity on them.
Everything you need to see is there.
You already know.
You just need to remind yourself, and you can.
It’s all here.