I had stress around inquiry as meditation come up for me this morning. I notice The Work works when I use it as meditation, and also that I often don’t.
Some of my thoughts:
I am not doing it right. I am wasting my time. Others know how to do it. I am not up to the task. I am too scatter-brained. I avoid opening to reality/truth. I don’t trust reality/truth. I am not going deep enough. I will stay on the surface. I am just going through the motions. I will continue to stay in confusion.
And a few others:
I am not doing inquiry as meditation. I need to do inquiry as meditation. I know what works. I know how to do it. I know what’s best for me.
What I see even before taking these to formal inquiry is that (a) I don’t know it’s better for me to do it as meditation, (b) doing it as meditation means awareness of feelings and thoughts, so it’s not quite true I am not doing it as meditation, (c) inquiry is a process, it works on me, and I can trust that process.
TA: I am doing it as meditation.
I am aware of feelings and thoughts as I do inquiry. I sometimes take a question or turnaround into daily life. I sometimes stay with a question or turnaround for a while.
TA: It’s not possible to do it wrong.
Right and wrong are ideas, not inherent in life or the process.
Right and wrong only applies if I have a specific outcome in mind, and God’s will may be different from my own ideas of what I want.
I notice how inquiry works me. If I have a stressful belief related to inquiry, it comes up and I can investigate. It seems to be a self-correcting process over time.
TA: I won’t stay on the surface.
Inquiry works me, there are shifts over time.
I have an intention to see what’s here, and I have stayed with inquiry for a while.
TA: I trust reality/truth.
Otherwise, I wouldn’t do inquiry. I wouldn’t desire to more consciously align with reality.
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TA: It’s easier to open to reality/truth.
It’s what’s already here.
I experience it as a relief, coming home.
It opens my heart, I notice my love for myself, others, situations.
I don’t have to spend energy trying to avoid what’s here.
I don’t have to protect or prop up thoughts or ideas of what is or should be.
TA: It’s God’s will.
(Initial statement: It’s my will – that I avoid opening to reality/truth, that I want to go deeper.)
It’s reality. (In my mind, it’s what’s happening.)
If Spirit is all – then my thoughts, actions, struggle etc. are Spirit too.
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