Mini-inquiry: She won’t like me if I say what I want


She won’t like me if I say what I want.

Situation: An inquiry session where I held back from saying/doing what I really wanted.

(The sound quality wasn’t very good, and I stayed with it instead of suggesting using the phone or doing it later.)

 – 0 –

#1 – Yes.

#2 – No.

#3 – I hold myself back, feel uncomfortable, ambivalent, distracted by what I really want, pressure, resentful.

#4 – Free to suggest we use the phone or do it again another time.

Free to take care of myself, what feels right for me.

Free to be kind to myself by saying what I want, and her in how I say it.

Happy. Relaxed. Engaged.

TA: I won’t like me if I say what I want.

If I think she won’t like me, I won’t like me.

When I believe this thought, I’ll blame myself for saying what I want.

TA: She will like me if I say what I want. 

She may see it as honest.

She may feel she can trust me to say what I want, and experience relief.

I may say what she already thinks and wants.

TA: She won’t like me if I don’t say what I want.

If I don’t say what I want, I experience resentment, and she may not like it.

If I don’t say what I want, she may not feel comfortable saying what she wants, and may not like it or me.

She may feel uncomfortable with me, sensing I am not saying what’s on my mind.

– 0 –

Additional thoughts

I need her to like me.

It’s better if she likes me.

It’s more comfortable if she likes me.

She won’t like me and that means….

Our sessions will be unpleasant.

** I will see me as she sees me. **

(And it will be uncomfortable. It will ruin my self-image.)

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