“It’s obviously not true” as a guardian of the treasure

 

I am investigating the thought/feeling that my mother doesn’t love me, have found a few situations in early childhood where I remember or imagine I had that thought, and see it’s connected with some quite primal and basic fears in me.

I also notice I have the thought it’s obviously not true, and if that’s believed then it functions as a guardian of the treasure. It’s what may make me turn away from a more serious investigation of the belief that my mother doesn’t love me, and I may miss out – for now – of what’s there.

It feels true, somewhere, and at an emotional level. It felt true at the time, in the three or four situations that came to mind. It seems connected with similar deep and previously unseen beliefs such as I am unlovable. And an image of myself as a baby, in a crib alone in a dark room has surfaced for a while now, with the thought/feeling that I am unlovable. So it clearly invites attention.

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