In several recent inquiries, I see how I throw a tantrum to get my way.
As a young child, it did work, at least to some extent. I had a tantrum, and sometimes got what I wanted.
Even now, I go into tantrums hoping it will get me what I want from other people or God. Any belief is a form of tantrum, and what happens when I take a thought as true is a tantrum, including the more obvious ones of anger, sadness, grief, frustration, annoyance, despair, trying very hard, giving up, and even feeling numb or paralyzed.
It’s a way of communicating what I want. And it’s innocent. It’s confused love.
Some beliefs behind going into tantrums to get my way:
A tantrum will get me what I want.
A tantrum communicates what I want.
If I go into despair, God will give me what I want. If I go into despair, God will understand he/she/it made a mistake and make it good again.
If I am annoyed, he will give me what I want. If I am annoyed, he will be quiet (they nosy guy on the bus).
More than looking at these general thoughts, it’s helpful to identify a specific situation where I went into a tantrum to get my way, write a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet from that situation, and take it to inquiry.
I also see how embarrassment is a guardian of the treasure here. A thought says it’s very childish to throw a tantrum to get what I want, so I am am not open to explore if that’s what’s really happening. Embarrassment guards the treasure of seeing what’s happening, and identifying and inquiring into the thoughts behind it. And that too is innocent, and confused love.