Finding love for myself

 

Towards the end of the most recent episode of Radio Adyashanti, he talks about finding love for oneself, for the hurt and broken parts and the wholeness of who we are as humans. One way to do this is visualizing our hurt parts, the ones feeling unloved and unlovable, as a baby alone in a room, and notice what our natural response is – to pick the baby up and comfort.

It’s similar to shifting into Big Heart and holding parts of ourselves within Big Heart. Praying for these parts of me, visualizing them suffused by divine love and care. Or simply being with the hurt that’s here, as a friend, with kindness and love. Or even notice it already is love.

It’s not always so easy. I find that my habitual response is to retreat and recoil when some of my wounds surface, and there are some beliefs here that recreates this apparently habitual response. (It’s recreated here and now, more than being “habitual”.)

One of these, which I noticed this morning, is that my own love is not enough.

Here are some related ones:

My own love is not enough. It’s not good enough. It’s worth less than the love from others.

The love from others is worth more, is more valuable, is what I need, is what I want.

The love from others is what will heal me. I need his/her love.

People’s love is not worth the same. The love from her is worth more. The love from him is worth less. The love from myself is not worth as much.

The love from beautiful, attractive, smart, popular, successful people is worth more. ***

As with so many of these beliefs, they are held as true at an emotional and less conscious level. It’s easy to skip over them because they are clearly not true according to my conscious view, and yet they are there, perhaps formed very early in life and reinforced – for me – during my time at elementary and middle school. I also find that in writing these lists, the more powerful ones tend to come out after the surface beliefs have been written down.

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