Inquiry: I need it to change

 

I need it to change.

(It’s better if it changes. Something else is better.)

Situation: The unlovable “wound” surfacing.

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Is it true?

Yes.

Do you know for certain it’s true?

No.

What happens, how do you react, when you have that thought?

I see the unlovable wound as wrong, something that needs to change.

I have thoughts about it:

It’s wrong. It needs to change. Something else is better.

It’s better if it changes. I should be over it by now.

I beat myself up for not knowing what to do about it.

I should know what to do about it.

Something needs to be done about it.

It needs to be fixed. It needs to be healed.

I don’t know how to relate to it.

I am unable to relate to it in a helpful/mature/informed way.

I try to make it change.

I try strategies for making it change.

Whatever I do – being with it, inquiry – is motive driven.

It’s done to make it change.

I feel needy. In my mind, I explore options for finding help.

I battle myself and the unlovable wound.

My body tenses up. My jaw tightens. My shoulders tense.

My breath is tense and more shallow.

I have images of the future:

I will battle the unlovable wound indefinitely.

It won’t change.

It will ruin my life.

I will make bad decisions because of it.

Who would you be without the thought I need it to change?

At rest.

Noticing it – the feelings, images – as fullness.

Befriending what’s here.

Being with it. Being it.

Notice I am it.

Easier to find love for what’s here.

Easier to find love for the images, thoughts here.

Turnarounds

I need me to change.

What surfaces in itself is OK. It’s how I meet it that’s painful.

I don’t need it to change.

I shared with K about it today, and shifted into rest, even love for it.

It goes through like a storm, and doesn’t leave many or any real traces.

It’s here so I don’t – and life doesn’t – “need” it to change.

I need it to stay.

It supports me in seeking out a new way or relating to it. My old and familiar approaches seem to have reached a dead end.

It supports me in questioning my thoughts about it, and how I am used to relating to it.

It supports me in finding love for what’s here, including the thought-feeling I am unlovable.

It supports me in connecting in a deeper and more real way with friends, when I share what’s going on for me.

It supports me in understanding – in a real and felt sense – how it is to try to change something, and not being able to.

It supports me in understanding the pain inherent in trying to change something that’s here.

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Mini-Inquiries

It’s a wound.

TA: It’s not a wound.

I can only find “wound” in an image and label.

TA: It’s healing.

It supports me to find clarity on my thoughts of being unlovable.

That it’s here now supports me in healing something that may have been with me for a while.

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It’s a feeling of being unlovable.

TA: It’s not a feeling of being unlovable.

It’s a feeling – or rather sensations – in my chest.

Unlovable is only there in images and thoughts.

TA: It’s a feeling of being lovable.

It supports me in finding love for it, and how it is – and I am – lovable.

I can find where a feeling of being unlovable is lovable. A child that feels unlovable is very lovable. And I can find the same for adults, and for myself.

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