Dream: Skull and hole

 

I have removed my skull and apply heat to it in an attempt to make it stronger. A doctor is quite concerned and recommends against it. I return the skull to it’s place. It was quite clear the whole time that this was a futile attempt.

I am in a Spanish speaking town or neighborhood, and unable to get back to where I am staying. It’s getting late, I am slightly concerned for my camera and wallet, so try to find a safe place. I go down a set of steps into a shaft or basement of some sort, realize I won’t be able to get up until dawn, and also that it’s not safer than anywhere else.

In both of these dreams, I try to find safety, and realize it’s futile. There is a clear sense that anything I can do won’t work, and genuine relief in that (and some apprehension). There is no safety to find through trying to control external or internal situations, because life is inherently out of (my) control. The only safety is through finding reality, what’s actually there. What’s more true than my initial story? What’s really going on? Is it all the play of consciousness?

The day before, I instructed at a Breema workshop, and it brought up some beliefs/fears, especially around not having done as much Breema or instruction lately as I used to. I had the thought I was rusty, and perhaps people would notice and judge. I noticed the tendency to want to find safety, and also that it was futile and not necessary. As we would say in Breema, it’s extra.

Some thoughts for inquiry:

I need to stay safe. I need safety.

I can find safety. It’s possible to find safety.

I cannot find safety. It’s possible to not be safe. Life is not safe.

If  am not safe, something terrible will happen.

I won’t be safe, and that means…. I’ll suffer. I’ll die. I’ll live in terror. My life will go into a downward spiral. Something terrible will happen. People will judge me, look down on me, pity me.

I won’t be safe because…. Life is uncertain. Life is cruel. Life is unpredictable. God is cruel. God is unpredictable.

I can find safety through…. A good connection with God. Making God be on my side. Having money. Being liked. Being famous. Being admired. Having many friends. Living a healthy life. Understanding life. Recognizing my true nature.

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