Inquiry: Someone better will come along

 

Someone better will come along.

Situation: An evening with a close female friend (EM) in my early twenties.

The last evening before going abroad to study.

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Is it true?

Yes.

Can you be certain it’s true?

No.

What happens, how do you react, when you believe that thought?

Ambivalent, conflicted.

(a) I want to have a relationship now, I want to say.

(b) And also this thought about the future takes me away from what I want.

I treat her very politely, with some distance.

I am not real with her. I don’t share how I feel about her.

I see myself as above the situation, feel aloof.

My body feels a little numb, disconnected.

I feel sad. Isolated.

Who would you be without that thought?

I am honest with her.

I tell her how I feel about her.

I am open for a relationship now.

I see I don’t know anything about the future.

I am receptive to how I feel, what I want, now.

I listen to myself, what I really want.

Turnarounds

Someone better will not come along

Someone better is always future, and I don’t know anything about the future.

There is nobody better here, or in my life.

I love her, feel comfortable with her, we are aligned in life interests, I am attracted to her, we are both available. I don’t know I will find that again.

Someone better is here

In my mind, I imagine someone better, so she is here competing with the flesh and blood woman in front of me. I chose an image over the woman in front of me I love.

My friend is better than I think, when I have the initial belief. She is here, available, there is mutual love, our lives are aligned.

No-one better will come along

That thought is all about the future, and the future is only imagined, not here.

When I let go of her, there is nobody else.

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