Some thoughts for inquiry about God and God’s will:
God is unkind. I can’t have what I want. It’s not a fair life.
If what’s happening is God’s will, God is unkind, misguided, unfair. What’s happening is not what’s best for me. God doesn’t have my best interest at heart.
If God had my best interest at heart, I would have… the health I want, more money, better relationship, a clear path in life, an easy life. I would have had a relationship with M, B, and/or E. (early twenties). A happy family life. Children. A job I love. Living in a place where I feel completely at home.
God’s will is not mine. God’s will is not what I want. God’s will will bring me suffering.
If I don’t have what I want, it’s a sign that God doesn’t care. God left me. Something is wrong with my connection with God. I am not good enough for God. (Success, money, beauty, happy family, a job I love.)
God should do what I want. God should give me an easy life. (Picture of God as a parent, should be here for me, do what I want.)