Mini-inquiry: She won’t like it (if I take care of myself)

 

She won’t like it.

If I take care of myself. If I do what feels right for me. If I interrupt a conversation or our plans to drink, eat, rest, go to the bathroom when it feels right.

Situation: Wanted to order food and eat it, and thought it would interfere with the plans.

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She won’t like it.

And that means…. She won’t like me. She will be upset. She wont’ want to be with me / spend time with me. I will be alone. I will suffer. There is something wrong with me.

Because…. She is not clear enough. She is vulnerable. I won’t do it right. I am not skilled enough.

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TA: She will like it.

It’s authentic, real, it’s me.

It shows I trust her.

It’s an example for her, shows her what’s possible.

I won’t be grumpy, crash. I won’t blame her. I won’t be resentful.

If I take care of me, she doesn’t have to.

She wants me to be with me.

TA: I won’t like it.

 If I believe she won’t like it, and I believe what I think it means.

If I do it out of resentment, fear of what it may mean.

Who would you be without that thought?

Curious, interested.

Excited to see what will happen when I do take care of myself, how she will respond.

Not tranquility, has an edge to it, aliveness.

Open to notice when I take care of myself, and she doesn’t get upset.

I will feel less responsible for her feelings.

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