The love I seek

 

Since my teens, I have seen and known that the love I seek from others – from women, friends, family, the world, God – is the love I am not giving myself, or not noticing is already here. Through taking stories as true, I block myself from giving myself the love I seek, and I block awareness of the love that’s here, and that I am and everything is love.

By meeting what surfaces in me – fear, regret, anger, frustration, hurt, heartache, discomfort, pain – with appreciation, understanding, and love, I find the love I seek.

These experiences – these parts of me, these universal human experiences – have been shunned, rejected, kept out in the cold for so long. Mind – through identifying with thoughts – have rejected parts of itself. So no wonder there is a sense of an empty hole that I try to fill with love from others. No wonder that sense of being lost, of not belonging, of existential fear of being and living, is lurking under the surface. It comes from all these parts of me and life that I have rejected for so long. These parts have been rejected, excluded, lost.

And now, as they are met with love, a love informed by understanding, they find what they have been longing for. They find acceptance, inclusion, appreciation, love, belonging.

And I find the same. I give it to me.

v1: Fear surfaces.

Thoughts say it means something terrible has happened, or will happen. These thoughts are, innocently, taken as true. So fear itself is rejected. It’s seen as bad, wrong. It’s unwanted. It’s left out in the cold.

v2: Fear surfaces.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for being devoted for me. Thank you for wanting the best for me. Thank you for looking out for me.

You are already allowed, before I say yes or no to you. You are welcome here.

I am sorry for having rejected you for so long. I am sorry for making you into an enemy. I am sorry for not recognizing you for what you are. I am sorry for not recognizing you as love.

I love you. I love you for your love for me. I love you for your devotion for me. I love you for being love. I love you as worried love.

What do you have to say to me? Please share your wisdom with me.

When it shares it’s wisdom with me, can I find the truth in it? Can I find how it’s devoted to me? How it’s all from love, worried love?

And I can take the thoughts behind the fear to inquiry and find what’s more true for me, and I do it for myself and for fear. I do it out of love for me and the fear.

This is all Spirit. It’s Spirit temporarily identifying as a me, appearing to reject itself as it appears as fear, unease, discomfort, heartache.

And it’s Spirit welcoming itself back, and recognizing it was all already welcomed. It’s all appearances within Spirit.

All Spirit exploring, expressing, experiencing itself.

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