What I am most afraid would happen if I don’t pretend I am OK

 

What I am most afraid would happen if I don’t pretend I am OK is…..

They will see me as weak, vulnerable. They will pity me. They will shun me.

They will talk about me behind my back. They will judge me. They will see me as different.

They will see me as flawed, a failure.

I will be alone, isolated, suffer, be lost, die.

I will fall apart. My life will fall apart.

The sadness, grief, fear will be endless. The sense of being lost, unloved will be bottomless.

I will have to feel what’s here.

It will be too painful.

I don’t know where it takes me.

It will be too much.

It will hurt too much.

And some statements that came out of an inquiry into the pain will be overwhelming.

Another situation / experience is better.

I don’t want to live. I wish life was over.

It’s not fair.

My parents didn’t give me what I needed.

My parents didn’t teach me /model how to be with this.

(From a popcorn inquiry with Shona and Sylvia in Totnes.)

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