All is well vs fixing

 

When someone’s mythology is breaking down, she is moving from relying on the mind with its future – based trouble – shooting, “ analyze and address ” mentality to relying on the heart, on a radical and surrendered being – here in the moment and meeting what’s here in its most fundamental energetic form . It is  remarkably soothing for the client to be met by a relaxed, open therapist who has the sense that “all is well” no matter what symptoms the client is experiencing. Contrastingly, it is remarkably distressing for the client to be met by someone who is unconsciously or consciously unnerved by her condition who disguises that as being alternatively “helpful” and then frustrated when the client does not use or benefit from her suggestions.

It is tremendously useful for a client to be in the presence of a being who does not view the passage as a travesty, but rather as a necessary though painful transformation from reliance on a sense of separated personhood to a joyful reliance on God. In truth, how fortunate is the one who is besieged by the Dark Lord! Yet, t he client’s agony and desperation to solve the dark night will bring up anything that remains in a therapist that is not comfortable with simply “being here” in the unknown and embracing whatever rises. It is easy to become identified with the need to b e a “good therapist” and provide a solution, but this is exactly the opposite of what is useful. Any suggestion or hint at trouble – shooting , any desperation on the part of the therapist about the client’s situation , will further plunge the client into despair . The very mentality she has failed at applying and is leaving behind through no choice of her own is th at of fixing or troubleshooting. B y the time she has found you, she has already tried everything in her power to “fix” herself and has failed. By far the single most helpful characteristic of a therapist for such a client is the willingness to be with whatever arises without any sense that anything is wrong.

– Jeannie Zandi in Dark Night: The Breakdown of the Mythology of Me

This fits my experience as well. The people I find it most helpful to work with or talk with – including Barry and Adyashanti – all have a deep sense that all is well. They have gone through the process themselves, they know the terrain and the larger picture, and they know deeply that all is well as it is. The approaches that work well for me also comes from this “all is well” place – Breema, TRE, The Work etc. (And the ones that tries to “fix” me does not work, and tends to bring a quite strong backlash. I often end up in bed for days afterwards. These include any diagnostic oriented approaches, it seems.)

And that’s also the most helpful way for me to relate to myself and my own process. Meet what’s here with love. Notice it’s already allowed. Notice how it is, in many cases, from a wish to protect me, and innocent love. Inquire into deeply held images and thoughts about it, to find what’s more real and true.

And that includes welcoming any impulse to fix it. Notice it’s from a wish to protect and is innocent love. Notice it’s already allowed. Inquire into these images and thoughts that what’s here is wrong, and something else is better.

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