A few things going on now, much of it – I suspect – related to my sessions with Barry.
A sense that identified mind (ancient mind, confused mind) and non-identified mind (clear mind) are the same. It’s as if the images held in my mind of the two being somehow separate are falling away. They are revealed as the same, as they are, of course. It’s one mind, and it can appear as identified (confused) and non-identified (clear) at the same time. Specifically, it appears as old wounds (beliefs, fears) surfacing at an emotional and physical level, coexisting with clear mind, and – when remembered – met with love and clarity, held in love and clarity, and with love and clarity inside of it.
There is a sense of heart surgery happening, with a quite physical soreness and achiness in the heart area. Old wounds, emotions, regrets etc. also surface. (These are not really old, they are created right here now.)
I have had periods of very strong (and inexplicable) nausea, perhaps related to something happening (releasing? working itself out?) in the belly and solar plexus area.
A few weeks now:
A sense that Christ (the divine, the light of Christ) is within and inside of all of me, including the darkest (most unresolved, most contracted) areas of the psyche. There is also a sense that the love and intelligence of this light of Christ is at work there.
An experience of Christ – the light of Christ, presence of Christ – in a more yin way, as very soft, deep relaxation, holding. During the initial phase of the awakening process, Christ was experienced as more fiery (filtered through head and heart centers). Now, it appears slightly different, as velvety soft (filtered through the belly center?).
In general, love is brought to whatever is here, when remembered, including – and perhaps especially – any resistance, fear etc. surfacing. I notice that behind the heart ache is sadness, grief and regrets, and I also notice a part of me seeking to go into blame, accusations and victimhood to protect me from feeling, experiencing and meeting that sadness. And that too can be met with love. It’s innocent, it’s there to protect me, and it’s love. Seeing that, it feels natural to meet it with love. When remembered….!
Some statements I notice:
If I experience the sadness…. The sadness is bottomless. I will get stuck. I will get depressed. Others will look down on me. Others will see me as weak/a loser.