Wishing to be here

 

The incarnation trauma has surfaced for a while for me, the shock of going from what was before incarnation (all as infinite love, presence, luminosity, home) to this existence as (apparently) a human being in a sometimes bewildering world.

There is a part of me that wants to be here, and another that doesn’t.

Someone suggested I visualized an anchor at the center of the earth, and that’s one approach. For me, it’s part of noticing/visualizing the cable of black light going down from the belly and heart into the center of the earth (and then infinitely beyond that), and a golden cable from the heart and up infinitely.

Another, which I notice I am equally or more drawn to, is to connect with and welcome the part that doesn’t want to be here, the one that longs for something else, the one that is spacey.

You are welcome here.

Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for your deep devotion for me. Thank you for your love for me.

I am sorry for having pushed you away.

How would you like me to be with you?

What do you long for? What would make you satisfied forever?

And then some fears and beliefs behind this impulse to not be here:

What was before incarnation is lost. It’s not here.

It’s dangerous to be here. Something terrible has happened/will happen.

I don’t know how to be here. I don’t know how to do this life.

Others get something I don’t.

This life/incarnation is wrong.

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