One of the secrets to always being found is, there must be a complete willingness to be totally lost. [….]
This is a real key to being as a verb. [….] There is being as just being. Relaxation. Stillness. Silence. The great fullness of no-thingness, the great fullness of no-bodyness. The beauty of that. And then there is being as a verb. Now you got to do being. That’s when it gets interesting. That’s where you get to see anywhere where your mind can trip you up. Anywhere your mind thinks, hey, you need me, you need your belief system, you need your ideas about things, you need your judgments to do this thing called life. Any place where the light of being hasn’t penetrated through, it will show up. And you will feel it. And it doesn’t feel good, does it? [….]
So when you feel the intensity of disharmony, the first thing is, can I completely allow this feeling of disharmony? Remember, whatever you resist you are stuck with, just because you resist it. The mind or ego doesn’t want discomfort to totally be. It’s modus operandi is discomfort, I am out of here. How do I fix it? How do I change it?
The most important thing is, the freedom of what we are is free enough to not feel free. It’s free enough to have the experience of bondage. And as soon as there is a total surrendering to the feeling of bondage, you can’t be bound. As long as you resist bondage, it owns you. When there is a clear seeing, an access to the reality of what we all are. And then there is the other phenomena, I got it and I lost it, and you resist that. I know it’s not true. [….] How can I do something that I know is not true? [….]
And so what do we do? We try to control it, and that doesn’t work either. [….] So this is the freedom to experience a moment of discomfort, even of illusion. Because as soon as you can do that, you are not stuck in that place that says I know, I have a deeper knowing in me, and this little mind state, I know it’s not real.
If you are really free, you don’t need to hold onto freedom. If you are actually free, your consciousness can go right into that mind state that’s not free. It’s not afraid of it, only your mind is afraid of it, only your ego is afraid of it. It can go right into that mind state, because over here where it’s all clear, fine, it’s clear. But what about where it’s not clear?
To shine a light from the outside on it doesn’t necessarily make a big difference. You got to shine a light on the inside of it. You got to let go of the part that goes I know this isn’t real. You got to go into that place where, wow, now I am in the mind space where it seems very real. And I am not running back out to my clear place. If I am really free, I don’t need to keep doing that.
By the way, what’s doing that anyway? What is it that is holding itself up in heaven, and is trying to resist everything else. And it uses everything at its disposal to do that. [….]
– Adyashanti, The Ground of Infinity, part 3, 21-28 minutes.
I don’t need to take anyone’s word for it (and if I did, it wouldn’t do much for me, it would just be another place to escape to in an attempt to find security).
What do I find if I investigate this for myself?
For instance, what do I find when I investigate some of my beliefs about this?
I know it’s not true. What I really am is clarity (not confusion). What I really am is non-identification (not identification).
Freedom is better than bondage. There is freedom. There is bondage.
Clarity is better than identification. I need to escape from identification. Identification is bad (scary, wrong).
I need to “fix” identification. I need it to change. It’s better if there is no identification.
This fits my experience. During the initial phase of the awakening process, there was a recognition of all as awakeness (luminosity, Spirit, presence) including anything in the human self, such as wounds and remaining identifications. And yet, it was – in a way – recognized from the perspective of the whole, the perspective of Big Mind as a whole. Then, following some time in the dark night, there was a shift, and it was as if Spirit recognized itself from the inside of all of this, including these wounds and identifications. Said in a more abstract way, there was initially an awakening of the head center and heart center, and then also an awakening of the belly center. It’s as if the womb of all phenomena, including the identifications, awakens to itself. And all of this is ongoing. Reality keeps revealing itself to itself in new ways.
Another way to say this is that reality already allows any experience, and this is what awakens to itself, noticing and aligning more consciously with allowing any experience.
And the initial draft:
This is something I keep exploring for myself.
One thing is to be as just being, to bask in being – as no-thingness, presence etc.
Another is to live it, live from it, for this human self to live in the context of what I am noticing itself (at least to some extent).
Here, there is sometimes discrepancies and inauthenticity. My words and actions may come from an old mind set, from identifications recreated here and now, and it doesn’t feel good.
Mind may try to help out by trying to push it away, fix it, and go into a place of clarity and hold it at a distance. This is identified mind trying to fix identified mind. It’s innocent. It comes from a wish to help, to protect.
And here, I can notice it’s all already allowed. This being caught in old pattern, being caught in images and ideologies, is allowed too. There is beauty in this noticing. There is a beauty in noticing what’s here for what it is. Recognizing the nature of illusion as it shows up here, and it’s real nature too.