Big picture, you are still going through dissolution even while you are integrating the consciousness of Self. There are certain identities/patterns that aren’t resolved. You are moving ahead in what matters. You seem stuck in certain human identity patterns that what are resisting dissolution. Remember what you are facing is your core “story”, the hologram that you ego is desperately attempting to keep alive to stay alive. It wants to keep you in the circular pattern of worry, fear, struggle against, which all feeds it. In the end it must all be surrendered, given over into the fathomless mystery of God. If you fully give it over it will resolve. If you continue to give it energy, invest worry, fear, struggle into it, it will persist. There’s an old song from the sixties by Janis Joplin that has a great line. “Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose”. Consider this deeply. What is yours at a soul level is yours. Do you really know what is in your best interest? Do you know what is next? Idealized images of what will make us happy, complete, full are the flip side of the coin of the demonized images of what we fear most. Both are the currency of the separate ego self sense. Consider this… How free do you want to be? Are you ready to completely give it all up, to die? Love, Barry
From an email to me from Barry.