Some notes from a session with Barry:
Caught in a vicious loop. The core wounding becomes our identity. And the nature of identity is fear of nonexistence when the identity is threatened.
As it surfaces, it wants to be resolved. The ego knows it’s dying. It will hold its projections of its idealized future and life. If it gets those things, will (hopes/thinks it will) feel whole and complete. The seeking, grasping, keeps the circle going around and around.
Wounding and idealized life will go, dissolve. In the end, (there is) nothing external that we seek, or put anything on, that has any sense of joy or fulfillment, because it doesn’t exist.
I held the idea of an ideal relationship for decades. Anything I put on her (wife) and the relationship went away.
Universal love, experienced in personal context. (When the ideal went away, opened up for this.) Only way to get there, is to want and need nothing. Die, just die.
I would go through catastrophic meltdowns, and out of the ashes began something at a whole new level. Had to die to it before it could shift.
The true path requires us to let go of everything. The more you can embrace it, the less you will suffer.
“I want to experience this fulfillment”. What is soul, what is ego? I would put everything on the altar. If you want me to have this, then you get me there. You show me what to dissolve in myself.
Embrace the utter hopelessness. Drop into it. As a box canyon, nowhere to go. Total despair. Annihilation. Death of self.
Childhood wounds (surfaced) in second marriage. When became disillusioned (with her, the relationship), blamed her, destroyed the marriage.
Karen, true soul love, real, a higher purpose, take us to God together. When you are there, it will happen. A fruit will fall off the tree, into your hand.
It’s like trying to find your way through the eye of a needle. Nothing will get you through except the emptiness of your true nature.
You can let go. Don’t need to know where it’s going, how you will get there.
It goes against everything we have been taught to believe this life is about. Seven billion people agreeing on something that’s not real.
What’s on the other side: Everything, so full and complete. So much joy. Has no conditions. Now I have a relationship with Karen beyond what I could have imagined.
There is no path from here to there, no linear path. I have done the journey, so I know. There is no other way besides going through what you are going through.
You know when you need to know it. All of a sudden, you know. (What to do, when to do it etc.) It will happen that way, from now on, with so much ease.
It involves stopping, stopping the trying, stopping the projecting into the future.
Experience it, and give it over to Christ fully. (What’s surfacing, the confusion, pain etc.) Surrender it. Christ takes that pattern of mind and restores it to its original nature. The only thing you can do, in a completely childlike way.
The only thing that’s real is Christ. The rest are only veils. Don’t give it any power. Surrender it.
When give identifications power, makes it into a real impediment, a real force, something to be conquered etc.
There is a universal force (God, Spirit) taking you down a river. Your personal self has nothing it can say or do about it. Slowly engulfing the personal self. Embrace it, give it up to Christ.
The outcome is already known, it’s guaranteed. The personal self is gonna lose.
It’s beyond techniques anymore. It’s all about presence.
These are all his words. We ended with inviting (noticing) Christ inside of the confusion, the identification, the part still holding on. I went for a walk afterwards noticing all of this, and giving it all over to Christ.