I notice an attachment to suffering, collapse and tragedy in me.
Yesterday, it came up very strongly, as a fierce animal.
I also see that this is what keeps the whole identified mind, and what comes out of it, in place.
It’s the ego fighting for its life, as so many says.
And it’s all from a set of beliefs:
Suffering is better for me. I have to suffer. Suffering is not optional.
I am a victim. Being a victim gets me something (comfort, sympathy, love from others).
Suffering shows I want to do and be better. Suffering shows I want to be a good boy.
Suffering is expected of me. Suffering is what humans do. Suffering is what I know.
If I don’t suffer, I wouldn’t know who I am. If I don’t suffer, I wouldn’t know how to live.
If I don’t suffer, I leave humanity. If I don’t suffer, I will be too different from others.