As soon as you can let go of what was, and the way you thought it was going to be, and who you thought you were going to be, how that was going to secure everything. The sooner you let go of that, even thought it’s kind of behind you already…. the sooner you allow it to be gone, because you see you are transforming….
You know those romantic ideas of the caterpillar becoming a butterfly…. used in spiritual books, the caterpillar goes into the cocoon and becomes a butterfly. What happens in that cocoon? The caterpillar goes “what the hell, it was not a good idea to weave this damn thing. This is not a cocoon, it’s a coffin.” The transformation starts to happen. “Oh my God, I am not going to be the same person I was when this finishes.”
You don’t know where it’s going. There is no relation between a caterpillar and a butterfly. A butterfly is not a flying caterpillar. Caterpillars and butterflies don’t have much to do with each other. There is a transformation at the seat of your consciousness that happens. And the transformation is like what I am describing. As it is happening, there is a fear and reaching back to how it was.
The way forward seems so blind, doesn’t it? You have no idea. You are moving into a new way of being that you have no operating manual for. You had a good operating manual for the dream state. Highly functional, illusory egoic self. At least you knew how to function in the dream state. That makes it even more weird, when that whole thing starts to transform. I understand that. Don’t imagine that where you feel yourself to be now…. that’s not the destination point. You are already moving through it. You can only go through it, there is no going back.
– Adyashanti, disc 4, track 10, silent retreat March 2011
Again, it fits my experience very closely, at least the dissolving and transforming part. I still don’t know if a butterfly will come out of it.