The fear of being abandoned. The terror of being lonely forever. The anxiety of being utterly dependent upon another. The panic of unbearable vulnerability and exposure. The dread of the looming death of yourself and everyone around you. These are the great fears that come as you wake, as you fall asleep, and as you dream through this life.
But perhaps the greatest fear of all is the fear of being loved. We don’t really see it this way, though. For when you are really loved, when you are entirely seen, when you are fully held, it is the end of your world as you know it. You will never be the same. You will never again be able to pretend that you are other than perfect and precious as you are. And that is terrifying.
Life is always seeing you in this way.
You long to be loved, to be seen, but please know that the implications are immense; they are cosmic. To allow yourself to be loved in this way a part of you must die. Everything you thought you weren’t must be surrendered. You must let go of the stories of the unlovable one, the awakened one, the special one, the imperfect one, and the despairing one. Love wishes to reveal your nakedness, to remove your clothing, and to burn away all that is false and less than whole within you. What you are is a raging firestorm of creativity, sensuality, openness, warmth, and kindness. Love will never stop until you know this.
In this way, love is a destructive process, for it comes to re-order everything you thought you knew. But will you step into this sweet annihilation? Yes, something will be shattered; actually, everything will be taken away. All that will be left is your wholeness and your raw, tender heart. This is your gift to this world.
– Matt Licata in Many Voices, a Sounds True blog
This fits my experience. I notice a fear of being loved in a very human way, because it goes against some familiar – and apparently safe – identities, including of being unloved and unlovable. When I look a little more closely, I find that anything in my experience – including who and what I am – is love, and taking that in, through specific and genuine examples, goes against all identifications that this mind is using to try to be safe. Taking in the love that’s already here dissolves any identifications. And that is quite scary for some parts of me. It takes away what mind has used for so long to try to stay safe. It doesn’t work, of course, and seeing that – and that it too is love – helps the mind relax and soften its hold on the idea that identification equals safety.