Doer and control

 

Identification with the idea of control, and as a doer, comes from a desire to protect the image of me. It’s from love and it is love.

What do I find when I look at these images more closely?

I find that there is (the appearance of) control in an ordinary and limited sense. I chose to take a sip of tea. I chose to write these words. I make plans for later this afternoon. There is some control here. I can chose to be a good steward of my own life, as Adya suggests.

And yet there is no control. I really don’t know what will happen the next minute or the next second, and even less tomorrow or next year. My future is, quite literally, imaginary. Another way I see there is no control is that everything has infinite causes. For anything that happens, I can find another cause, and then another. And that includes what seems the most personal, such as choices and perceptions and actions. The whole universe – in its extent and reaching back to it’s earliest beginning – is behind anything happening. The chain of causes reaches out to the widest extent and back to the earliest beginning. (At least, that’s how it appears in my world of images.) There is really no room for control in a personal sense, or a separate person who could have “control” in the way we sometimes think of it.

There is the thought of a doer, a me that does things. And that’s valid enough in an ordinary and conventional sense.

At the same time, I see that the doer is imaginary. It’s an image of a doer. Something happens and a thought says “I did that”. There is an image of something happening in the future, and a thought saying “I will do that”. There is an image of this body doing something now, and a thought saying “I am doing that”.

There is nothing wrong in any of this. Reality may be different than how it sometimes appears to me, and that’s fine. That too is from a desire of this mind to protect this imagined me. It comes from love, and it is love.

I see something else too. A thought may say there is identification here, and that’s another imagination. A thought may say there is identification here, and at the same time no identification, and find valid examples of both. They seem to both be here.

If I can imagine them – whether I imagine them in others or the past or future – are they not here now? Is it true they are not already here? And is it true they are, in my world, anything other than images? Anything other than imagination?

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– control – (a) yes, be a good steward of our life  (b), no, outside of our control, infinite causes even for what appears most “personal” such as choices, perceptions,

– doer – i did that, story of me as a doer, (a) yes, a person here who does things  (b), no, it’s a story, can be identified or not (and that too has infinite causes)

I did that (the image of me), is it true?

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