Finding secure attachment

 

I keep seeing that there is something left for me in terms of finding secure attachment, as there is – most likely – for most of us.

First, what is secure attachment? And who or what is the attachment to, and who is doing it? A deep sense of secure attachment comes from finding love for what is, for my own images of the world, my own sensations etc.. This means I can more easily be honest, open and vulnerable to myself and others, and I feel less neediness towards people, situations or experiences. I am already giving to myself – to the parts of me that are here – what I otherwise would perceive I needed from others. This habit of love can come from parents modeling this for us as we grow up, and it can also come later through parenting ourselves in this way. 

Then, there are several ways to explore it.

There is the psychological and relationship one. I am not so familiar with the current thinking on this one, but I assume it may include finding a sense of trust through good communication, touch and more.

There is the inquiry one, where I identify fearful beliefs, find what’s more true, allow it to sink in, and explore how it is to live from it. Some of these beliefs may be: I am unlovable. I am unloved. He/she doesn’t love me. My mother/father didn’t love me. Life is not safe. And so on. (Each one explored from a specific situation where it was/is alive.)

There is the Spirit facet, where I an find a deepening trust in reality and life. Reality may notice itself as presence, love, awakeness, and all there is as this presence, love and awakeness. How is it to live from this? How is it to allow this to sink in?

There is the biological one, where I can release trauma from early childhood through neurogenic tremors and in other ways, and find support and nurturing through caring touch (including, for instance, Breema bodywork).

There is the nature path, where I find a deepening sense of trust, care and love (and being accepted and loved) through my connection with nature and animals.

And there is how I relate to parts of myself and my world of images, where I can hold satsang with what’s here, notice it’s here to protect me, it comes from love, finding my own love for it, invite it to find it’s deepest longing, and invite it to explore what it really is. (To be more clear, when there is identification with an image or thought, that identification is here to protect me, and it comes from love and is love. And what it identifies with – the image or thought – then also is here to protect me, and comes from and is love. Noticing this, it’s easier for me to find a genuine welcome for it, and love for it.)

 

 

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