I keep noticing this, and today with loneliness:
1) Loneliness comes up.
2) There is identification with this loneliness, this part of the psyche. I am alone. I am sad. I will be lonely in the future. I am a victim. I need others so I am not alone anymore. I need him/her to make me not alone, to make this experience (part) go away. There is discomfort, and a struggle with loneliness. Loneliness means something terrible has happened. It means there is something wrong with me. I am not lovable. I want it to go away.
3) Through grace, there is a shift. I find the role of the sage, and meet this part of the psyche in satsang. I recognize it as a part, a guest, a visitor. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for your devotion to me. Thank you for your love for me. I love you. What would satisfy you forever (what is your deepest longing)? What are you really? There is a softening. Gratitude. Appreciation. A more open heart. Receptivity.
When there is identification, I am at the mercy of others and circumstances. I need something from others, and it’s up to them – and life – if I get it or not, and how and for how long.
When there is grace and a shift into the role of the sage, I give to this part of the psyche what it longs for.
Note: (a) All of this is grace. Identification is a more gritty form of grace. The discomfort inherent in it shows me that something is not recognized, the conscious view is somewhat out of alignment with reality. There is struggle. Shifting into the sage is a perhaps more obvious form of grace, and still not any more or less grace than identification. (b) Giving this part of me what it deeply longs for (in this case giving loneliness love) doesn’t preclude enjoying the company of others, and appreciating and taking in their love. (c) Thanks to Pamela Wilson for the terminology and details of this approach, and to the many who have explored parts and subpersonality work now and in the past.
– aloneness comes up (a) identification, I am alone, sad stories, sadness, will be this way in the future, victim, seek from others what “I” (the part) wants, (b) sage, meet in satsang, recognize as a part (aspect of psyche), thank for protecting, thank for its love, etc. (give it what it longs for)