Inquiry: My mother didn’t give me the love I needed

 

Some stories I sometimes have about my life, and their turnarounds with examples:

I didn’t want to incarnate. I resisted incarnation. It was traumatic for me to incarnate.

TA: I did want to incarnate. -> I knew it was right. I knew it was God’s will. I knew it was love. I wanted to see how it would be. I wanted the experience. I wanted to contribute.

My mother didn’t give me the love (trust) I needed.

TA: My mother did give me the love I needed. -> Otherwise I wouldn’t know about it. Otherwise I wouldn’t so easily find love in me. Otherwise I wouldn’t be able to love as I do.

I have sought love from women. (The love my mother didn’t give me.)

TA: I have sought love in myself. -> I have given myself that love, even when a thought said it was from a woman.

I left my guidance. (Moving to Wisconsin.)

TA: I followed my guidance. -> (a) I followed my ideology of sacrificing some of my own wants for those of someone else. I followed my beliefs about marriage. (b) I followed God’s will. I lived God’s will. (Since it’s what happened.)

I have been survival mode. I have been/am self-centered. (Since CFS.)

TA: I have been generous. -> The work I have done on myself is to the benefit of all. It’s a universal process, and a clarification of universal thoughts/beliefs. I don’t hold back sharing my experiences if someone asks. I asked God/life for clarity (“enlightenment”) no matter the cost. (In my early/mid-twenties.)

I need to conserve energy.

TA: I don’t need to conserve energy. -> I can just do what I am called to do in the moment. I don’t need the idea of “conserving energy”.

My life is a mess.

TA: My life isn’t a mess. -> I have a house. I have places to live. I have a caring family. I have money for food and the essentials. I have caring friends. I have a good education. I have several ways of making money. My health is improving. “Mess” is only a label, a thought, not inherent in reality.

I won’t have a good life. I won’t have a successful life.

TA: I will have a good life. -> Other people with my background typically do. I have inquiry. I have a good education. I am (mostly) kind and well liked. If life is God and good and love, then I do and will have a good life.

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It’s helpful and interesting to do inquiry on my most basic stories, including the ones I have about my own history.

For instance, my mother didn’t give me what I needed (love, security). Is it true? What do I find when I turn the thought around?

TA: My mother did give me what I needed (love, safety).

She did give it to me. Otherwise, I wouldn’t recognize it. I wouldn’t be able to find and give it to myself now.

 

………..

 

TA: My mother did give me the love (safety) I needed/wanted. (Otherwise, I wouldn’t recognize it.)

TA: I did give it to myself.

Also – give it to myself intentionally. (Satsang etc.)

 

 

Turnaround: The love I feel I need from women I did get from my mom and I do give to myself (when I allow myself to receive it from women)

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