I notice there is a part of me enjoying misery.
It’s perhaps not surprising since there is still a draw to drama and misery here. With that draw comes enjoyment, and with the enjoyment of it comes the draw. And it all comes from a set of beliefs about reality which may be innocently misguided.
As long as I push away this part of me, it will continue to operate on its own.
So I can instead meet it, welcome it, see what’s really there, and find what’s more true for me.
You are welcome here. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for your love for me.
What would satisfy you forever? What are you really?
I can look for the threat, and the one enjoying misery. What are the words? Images? Sensations? Is there a threat in each of these? Is there someone enjoying misery in each of them?
And I can also examine the verbal beliefs. I shouldn’t enjoy misery. I need to stop enjoying misery. I will create misery if I continue to enjoy it. I am a victim of the part of me enjoying misery. I need drama. I need drama to feel alive. Drama is juicy. Drama is more enjoyable. I’ll miss out without drama.
– welcoming, thanking (satsang)
– looking for the one enjoying + the misery (inquiry)
– when resist, push away, lives its own life
– when welcomed, is recognized as part of me