Currently

 

I thought I would give a brief update here. There is still a lot coming up for me, of previously unfelt, unloved, unseen material, and it’s sometimes challenging and sometimes quite moving. It’s all coming up with an invitation for it to be met, felt, loved, seen as what it is – in form and as the same as everything. Things keep falling apart in my outer life as well, perhaps as a reflection of a dismantling of inner patterns as Barry suggests. It’s also because I get caught in what surfaces and live it out, to some extent, and what surfaces is sometimes quite wounded and very young.

Some practices I find helpful these days:

The Living Inquiries. I am in the LI training program, so do the LIs most days, and sometimes several times a day. I find it very helpful, and it’s an approach that makes it easy to explore what I previously have looked into through more traditional (Buddhist) sense field explorations.

Tonglen & Ho’oponopono. I use both of these on anything that my mind takes as an “enemy”, wherever in my world this apparent enemy appears – subpersonalities, physical symptoms, emotions, resistance, life circumstances, other people, a dream figure or anything else. It helps shift how I relate to and see these. There is a curiosity and a question in this. Is it really an enemy? Is my perception of it as an enemy as true as it first appears? What’s my perception of it as I continue exploring it through tonglen and ho’o? (Maybe it’s even revealed as – what a thought may call – awareness and love?)

Holding satsang. I also hold satsang with subpersonalities and whatever else is here (anything can be taken as a subpersonality). You are welcome here. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for your love for me. What would satisfy you forever? What are you really? 

Heart flame. I find and fan the flame of the heart with my attention and gratitude. Then – in my mind – place my whole body and being inside of this flame, allowing it to burn away anything that’s not similar to itself (clarity, love). It burns away any trance, any illness.

Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE). I continue inviting in neurogenic tremors, often throughout daily life – when I sit in a chair, stand waiting for the tea water to boil, lie in bed etc. Sometimes, I also bring something stressful to mind to invite tension around that to release through the tremors.

The Work. I sometimes use The Work too. Right now, I have to admit I am more drawn to the Living Inquiries, although I see them as equal and complementary. They are both forms of inquiry. They both invite beliefs to be seen through and soften or fall apart. And yet, the Living Inquiries work on images, body images, and sensations more specifically, which I find helpful now. It’s as if it more directly goes to a more primal part of the mind.

Rest. Whenever I remember, I intentionally rest, allowing any experience to be as it is. Noticing the sensations, allowing them as they are. Noticing the sounds, images and words coming and going. Noticing it’s all already allowed. This is an alert form of resting. More accurately, it’s a resting from being caught up in images and words. They come and go, and are noticed as objects instead of being identified with…. and taken as a subject, as what I am. This is also called Shikantaza, or natural meditation, and it’s part of the Living Inquiries.

Stable attention. I sometimes also take time to bring attention to the sensations of the breath at the nostrils, or at one nostril. This invites attention to stabilize, and it becomes more pliable and a support for any activity in life (and just being). I am just getting more back into this, and wish to do it more again.

Prayer. I pray for guidance. For seeing through the trance. (Victim etc.) For support seeing through the trance. For support in meeting what’s here with love. For support in any way that’s most helpful for me. For support in living from love and clarity. For support in giving my life over to God (Spirit, Christ, Buddha Mind) wholeheartedly. For support in meeting any fear in me with love and clarity. For my life being in service of life.

Additional. I have also done some EFT and TFT. I go for walks in nature.  I make sure to drink plenty of water, usually in the form of different types of herbals teas, so my urine is pale or almost clear. (This really helps with any sense of energetic stagnation in my system.) I take some herbs and similar things (chulen, rhodiola, eleuthero, echinacea). I get plenty or rest and sleep.  I do things that sparks my passion (photography, drawing, reading). I connect with friends. (As or more important than much else here.) And so on.

Some ways I explore chronic fatigue:

Chronic fatigue. I at times use tonglen and ho’o on the symptoms of and reactions to the CFS, and sometimes hold satsang with the same. (There is definitely more to explore here.) All of these help shift how I relate to the symptoms and reactions. They shift from appearing as a problem or an “enemy” to something innocent, something I can meet as a friend. Through holding satsang with them, I also see that – and how – these symptoms and reactions are here to protect (an image of) me. It’s innocent and comes from confused love.

I sometimes do TW on the label chronic fatigue, and also the labels tiredness, brain fog etc., in addition to thoughts that I need to feel a certain way to get things done. And I am now exploring these through the Living Inquiries, and also some related fears such as: Fear of being healthy and having a well functioning mind and body. Fear around the cf label and not being able to function. Fears of respectively the best and the most scary scenarios for my life.

I use TRE to release tension and frozenness, which allows the body to come alive again and access its resources.

And I use some herbs (eleuthero, rhodiola, echinacea), minerals (magnesium, zinc), vitamins (vitamin D), herbal teas (including Stangeland’s Urtete – basis and chakra), Tibetan medicine (chulen), and a diet that seems to work for my body (less dairy, less sugar, less wheat). I also spend time in nature. I walk, and I do some strength training.

Checking:

I had a friend look at different options using the pendulum, and these came up as a strong or medium yes:

TRE – yes. Rest/natural meditation/shikantaza – yes. Swimming – yes. LDN – yes. Visualization/prayer/giving it over to the Divine – yes.

Matthew Manning healing circles – yes. Looking at (a) fear of getting healthy and (b) origin situations (triggering the CFS) with inquiry, TRE etc. – yes.

Bill T., NGM, EFT – moderate yes. Engaged in small things – moderate yes.

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draft…….

Tonglen & Ho’oponopono. I use both of these on anything that my mind takes as an “enemy”, whether it’s connected to my human self, in life and the world, or other people. I use it on subpersonalities, tiredness, brain fog, emotions, emotional pain, anger, frustration, sense of energetic stagnation, and whatever may be here. It helps shift how I relate to and see these. I recognize them more as what they are, what a thought may call forms of awareness and love.

Prayer. I pray for guidance. For God’s will to be done. For assistance from God, Spirit, Christ, etc. For receptivity to this assistance. For support in giving my life over to God, more and more fully and wholeheartedly. For support in any form that’s helpful for me. For me to see what I need to see. For sincerity in seeing what’s here. For support in living from love and clarity. For support in meeting what’s here with love, and recognizing it as love (no matter what it is). For things to fall into place in my life in the way that’s best for all.

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2 thoughts on “Currently

  1. I am glad to find your openness, to your journey, which is as sensitive as what I could see. I see there is a deepness to this process that goes through your exploitative system,which matches this human deeper experience, when the patterns start to purify and become aware of a greater sense of looking inward. Your honesty to this work is a gift.

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